Yu Nian saw Qi Wang from the stairs and felt a bit dazed.

Outside the inn, under the dim yellow light, the cold rain fell incessantly, forming a string of pearls on the ground. His slender fingers rested on the doorknob, with the fingertips feeling cold.

He looked at Qi Wang and almost forgot which year and month it was at that moment.

In these seven or eight years, he had dreamed countless times, and in his dreams, Qi Wang always walked down this narrow wooden corridor, silently staring at him.

During those years when he couldn’t find Qi Wang, he secretly imagined Qi Wang’s appearance in his heart. He thought Qi Wang was only twenty when he left, and after so many years, Qi Wang should have changed a bit.

He might be taller, more handsome and mature, or thinner and sharper.

He thought about it for a long time.

And now, facing Qi Wang, he almost forgot that he was already familiar with this face to the bone.

But somewhere in his chest, there was a click, and a piece of fragment filled the gap in his heart seamlessly.

He vaguely thought, yes, in his dreams, Qi Wang looked like this.

A gust of cold wind blew.

Yu Nian shivered, his fingertips released the doorknob, and he pushed the door closed behind him.

It was very quiet in the inn.

Jiangyang County was now in the off-season of the off-season, and there were hardly any guests. Just when the landlady called him, she said that the only two or three guests in the inn had been compensated generously and sent to other hotels.

So now, there were only the two of them left in this inn.

Yu Nian’s gaze fell on the corner of Qi Wang’s black coat pocket, where a corner of three envelopes was exposed, the light-colored parchment paper a bit wrinkled.

His heart sank for a moment, and for a moment he almost wanted to turn around and leave.

Although the landlady had just told him over the phone that Qi Wang had probably already seen these three letters, but seeing them now, he still felt like all the strength had been drained from his body.

Life was so mysterious.

When he was eagerly waiting for Qi Wang to come back, Qi Wang didn’t come.

And when he had already prepared himself mentally and wanted this inn and this wait to become a secret forever, Qi Wang came over by mistake.

The pendant lamp in the inn swayed, and Yu Nian’s shadow swayed along with it.

He leaned against the door, his head slightly turned, avoiding Qi Wang’s gaze.

But soon, a tall figure hurried over, and Yu Nian was almost unable to react before he was enveloped in a hug.

He was firmly covered by Qi Wang’s tall figure.

Qi Wang’s arms locked tightly around him, one hand gripping the back of his neck, the strength not heavy but as if afraid he would run away.

Both of them were very cold.

The living room was heated by a heater, the warm yellow light carrying warmth, not scorching hot, just a bit of warmth, baking the water droplets on the black fabric.

Qi Wang buried his head on Yu Nian’s shoulder, and Yu Nian suddenly felt as if his neck was touched by a little rain.

But it wasn’t from outside.

He had been biting his lip, feeling a bit embarrassed and avoiding, but at this moment, his body suddenly stiffened.

He could feel the despair in this embrace, even more desperate than that day when Qi Wang knew that they had missed each other on the streets of London.

Yu Nian’s body slowly relaxed, hesitated for a few seconds, and then slowly raised his hand, touching Qi Wang’s damp hair.

He couldn’t explain why, but the moment he touched Qi Wang, tears also flowed from his eyes.

He felt Qi Wang cupping his face, and a hot kiss fell on him.

He had grown much taller over the years, but being held in Qi Wang’s arms, he still felt thin. He had to tiptoe and be hugged by Qi Wang from behind to stand steadily.

This reminded him of many years ago, when he and Qi Wang were still working at the Morning Ten.

Qi Wang was not yet the famous artist he is now, just a silent and introverted barista, while he was still playing the piano and carrying plates at Morning Ten.

They would sneak kisses in the utility room.

In the dim and cramped cubicle, boxes were piled everywhere, leaving only a narrow aisle for them. So he almost stepped on Qi Wang’s feet, waist hugged by Qi Wang, tilting his neck like a sacrifice, opening his lips, and sticking out his pink tongue.

At that time, the kiss Qi Wang left on his lips was also so scorching hot.

There was no technique, but it was kissed heavily, as if he was a butterfly about to fly away, and he had to swallow him down to feel at ease.

In a daze, he felt Qi Wang’s lips gently touch his eyelids.

He heard Qi Wang’s voice hoarse, as if asking him but also asking himself, speaking out the first words since he entered the door.

“Yu Nian… How could I let you wait for so long.”

This sentence made Yu Nian’s brain empty in an instant, the long time, accompanied by the spring breeze, winter rain, swept over.

The eight years seemed to slowly tear apart like silk, until in the end, only a thin thread remained, gently pulled, and completely broke.

Yu Nian’s fingers twitched on Qi Wang’s back, clutching Qi Wang’s clothes tightly.

His eyelashes blinked, more tears welled up.

The grievances, bitterness, soaked in the icy lake, the almost dying fear seemed to compress into this moment.

His voice sounded as if soaked in tears, choked up and almost unable to speak.

He hugged Qi Wang, his eyes reddened, his nose also red, without the cold disguise, he was like a clam that had been forcibly opened, defenseless and exposed, only able to reveal his soft flesh.

He said, “You also know, you made me wait for so many years.”

Waiting until he transformed from a lively and cheerful eighteen-year-old into the person he now hated.

Waiting until he started to fear, afraid that when Qi Wang came back, he wouldn’t recognize him anymore.

Yu Nian was carried back to the room upstairs by Qi Wang. He had just received a call from the landlady and had driven for four and a half hours on the dark and rainy expressway and roads, relying solely on his determination.

Now, suddenly relieved of his strength, this determination collapsed lightly, and his muscles softened, making him unstable on his feet, only able to be held in Qi Wang’s arms.

When pushing open the door of Room 307, he was a bit reluctant.

This door sealed all the past he didn’t want to reveal, his disgrace, his pleading, and his heartbroken state.

He didn’t want to face it very much.

But Qi Wang had already kicked the door open. Inside, the light was still bright, the layout was still clean and simple, and the faux willow branches on the chest of drawers looked fresh and green against the white wall.

Qi Wang went to turn on the air conditioner. Yu Nian was too cold.

Yu Nian sat on the edge of the bed, hugging his knees. Qi Wang wrung out a hot towel to wipe his face for him, but when the towel touched Yu Nian’s face, both of them froze for a moment.

Eight years ago, it was also in this room, with the same scene.

Yu Nian was rejected after confessing, tears streaming down his face, choked up and unable to control himself, while Qi Wang sat on the edge of the bed and helped him wipe away his tears.

Now, with the passage of time, the same two people, but too much had happened.

Qi Wang gently wiped away the tears from Yu Nian’s face with the hot towel and said softly, “I saw those three letters.”

Yu Nian’s spine stiffened.

He glanced up, took a deep breath, bit his lip, and forced himself to calm down, “So what if you saw them? There’s nothing to say.”

But as soon as he finished speaking, Qi Wang’s fingers touched his cheek, making him meet his eyes.

He was still so weak.

Once his eyes met Qi Wang’s cold and clear eyes, he felt as if he had lost his soul.

Qi Wang looked at him, “Yu Nian, I have nothing to justify for myself, you’re right, I never thought about turning back when I left.”

Yu Nian’s face changed slightly when he heard this sentence, and he almost instinctively wanted to put up defenses.

But then he heard Qi Wang say again, “I arrogantly made decisions for the both of us. I stubbornly thought that when you left me, there would be a smooth path ahead, many people would love you, and you would love someone else. I thought I was just a shadow from your past, and after you turned eighteen, I would disappear completely. So I shouldn’t appear in your life again, to avoid causing you more trouble.”

“But I never stopped loving you.”

“From the day you confessed to me in this inn when you were eighteen until now, I have loved you every day.”

“There was one year in between when I actually came to Jiangyang County, but I just wandered around the streets, went to see the amusement park we used to go to, and then turned around and left. I didn’t dare to look, I was afraid that if I looked a few more times, I wouldn’t be able to restrain myself from barging into your life. I didn’t care whether you were living happily or not, whether you had someone you loved or not. I wanted to be a villain and snatch you back, even if it disturbed your peace for the rest of your life.”

Yu Nian was stunned.

His eyelashes were sticky, his eyelids slightly swollen, looking like the naive and easy to deceive look from years ago when he didn’t speak, just staring blankly.

Qi Wang’s fingers rubbed his cheek, and the more Yu Nian looked at him like this, the more he felt like thousands of knives were torturing his heart.

“I came here this time because I want to talk to you properly. I want to talk about the eight years we’ve been apart, I want to tell you why I left back then, I have loved you every moment of these eight years, I haven’t had a moment of the calm I imagined, I regretted it, Yu Nian, I regretted it a long time ago.”

“There’s no stepping down and giving way that I can do. If I lose you again, I might as well die.”

He held Yu Nian’s hand. He had just wiped Yu Nian’s tears, and now he was kneeling in front of him with one knee, from a distance, almost like a proposal, but he was begging for forgiveness.

He said in a low voice, “I really didn’t expect that you had waited for me for so many years. If I hadn’t come to Jiangyang County today, maybe I would never have known in my lifetime.”

Yu Nian stared blankly at Qi Wang. After so many years, even eight years ago, he had never heard such straightforward and intense words from Qi Wang.

Qi Wang was always so indifferent.

He didn’t know what life had given Qi Wang.

Qi Wang always seemed indifferent to everything, with a cold and detached attitude. His basic color was pessimistic and aloof. How could someone who didn’t care about himself care about others?

Even their past love was something he forced.

From the beginning, Qi Wang had been pushing him away.

It was his insistence, his persistence, that eventually led to their brief relationship.

Qi Wang looked down at the back of Yu Nian’s hand. Near his index finger, there was also a very faint scar, so light that it was barely noticeable.

But when Yu Nian was eighteen, he didn’t have that scar.

Qi Wang didn’t know how he got that scar. Perhaps it was just a scratch from an art knife, but perhaps it was from the accident when Yu Nian’s car overturned on the road to find him, and he got injured.

Those three letters, each one tortured him to the core, but if he had to pinpoint which part hurt the most, it would probably be this part.

He dared not imagine what it was like for Yu Nian to crash into the lake in winter.

Just a little bit more, and perhaps there would be no Yu Nian in the world, and he might not know for a long time.

Just like Yu Nian to him, uncertain whether he was alive or dead.

Uncertain of life and death.

These words weighed heavily, the most fleeting and desperate curse in the world.

Qi Wang’s back bent down. When he was very young, someone had stepped on his spine and buried him in the snow. His face and hands were full of scars, but he still held his head high, refusing to admit defeat like a young wolf cub.

But now he felt like he was riddled with holes, like a reed that would break with the slightest bend.

He hugged Yu Nian and whispered, “What if something really happened to you…”

Even if he really chased after him on the road to the underworld, he wouldn’t catch up with Yu Nian, separated by the vast expanse of the world.

“How could you, Nian Nian,” Qi Wang asked, “You used to think it hurt even when you scratched your skin, so how painful was it then?”

Yu Nian stared blankly at Qi Wang.

His hand was tightly held by Qi Wang, and the room gradually warmed up, no longer as cold as it was before.

Did it hurt?

In fact, he couldn’t quite remember. He couldn’t even recall clearly what had happened underwater at that time.

What he could vividly recall was the journey to the hospital, wrapped in a down jacket.

He hesitated, reached out, and touched Qi Wang’s hair.

“It must have hurt.”

He remembered uncertainly, looking at Qi Wang’s eyes full of sorrow, the corners of his eyes turning red, but his lips helplessly lifting slightly.

“But I really wanted to see you then.”

“Even now, I still want to see you,” he said, “What I wrote in the letter about giving up on you was all lies.”

This sentence hit Qi Wang hard, leaving him bruised and battered, as if his bones and skin had been eroded by the wind, crumbling at the slightest touch.

That night, Qi Wang and Yu Nian stayed in this mountain inn together.

The robe Yu Nian had left here was finally put to use. The two single beds were pushed together, and Yu Nian was held in Qi Wang’s arms.

He hesitated a bit. He had been pretending for too long. It seemed that he had become unfamiliar with being intimate and affectionate with Qi Wang.

But when he thought that Qi Wang had already read those three letters, he felt a bit resigned.

He lay in Qi Wang’s arms, speaking vaguely about the years that had passed.

“The moment I met you again at the gathering, I really hated you. When I waited for you to come back, you didn’t even look at me. When I finally accepted the fact that you had abandoned me and tried to forget you, you came back.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“Especially when you didn’t explain anything to me, I tried to provoke you with the house and money, but you didn’t defend yourself. You even seemed ready to push me away to someone else at any moment… I really hate you, truly, you are more detestable than anyone else.”

Yu Nian’s eyelids were getting heavy. He was quite tired today. He had a gathering with friends in the afternoon and drove back at night, exhausting all his energy.

Actually, on the way here, he felt that facing Qi Wang and the three letters he had written, he might be at a loss for words, saying things that he didn’t mean, trying to hurt Qi Wang with everything he had.

But now that he was really here, all those thoughts dissipated like ripples on the water.

He felt Qi Wang hug him tighter.

He heard Qi Wang’s hoarse voice ask him, “Then why don’t you continue to hate me? I’m not even worth your forgiveness.”

Qi Wang wasn’t stupid. He could feel that Yu Nian’s attitude toward him had gradually softened over the past few months.

He was clearly unforgivable, but Yu Nian still chose to forgive him.

Just like this night.

Yu Nian pushed the door open and entered, looking at him with obvious panic and pain in his eyes, but in the end, he still accepted his kiss.

Yu Nian opened his eyes again, looking at the ceiling.

Yes, why?

“Because hating someone for a long time is exhausting, especially when that person is someone you love.”

He had hated before.

He said, “I used to hate my brother and sister. When they confessed to me, I didn’t go home for a whole year, and didn’t answer the phone. I became cruel, indifferent, even to myself, I felt strange. When my brother came to my door to apologize, I kept the door tightly closed.”

“Since I was born, we haven’t had such a big conflict. In this world, they are the two closest people to me, but I actually started to resent them at that time.”

“But later, my brother had surgery, very serious, and had a third of his stomach removed.” Yu Nian sighed.

He looked at the ceiling again, remembering the room full of disinfectant and the tearful face of Yu Xinli and Pei Zhao weakly holding his hand.

He rolled over, feeling a little less drowsy.

He hugged Qi Wang back.

He said, “Qi Wang, apart from life and death, it’s nothing.”

“You didn’t make me wait. It was me who couldn’t let go. So as long as you’re still standing in front of me now, everything else… let’s just forget it.”

In the end, he couldn’t bring himself to hate anyone.

In this world, many things, whether it’s hatred, love, lies, truths, regrets, or mistakes, all eventually have to be let go.