Qi Wang hardly slept at all that night.

The rain poured all night long, and he spent the night listening to the rain tapping against the window.

Yu Nian lay beside him, within arm’s reach, yet he felt as though layers of rain were creeping up on him, covering his mouth and nose, slowly pulling him down into the depths of the water.

The next day when Yu Nian woke up, the sky was still overcast. As soon as he opened his eyes, he noticed the empty bed next to him and his heart tightened for a moment. But when he glanced up, he saw Qi Wang sitting at the small round table, his silhouette slender, seemingly engrossed in reading something, wearing a familiar loose white shirt that looked brand new, with silver square cufflinks on the sleeves.

“You’re up so early.” Yu Nian sat up groggily, yawning lazily without paying much attention. Despite having slept all night, he still felt tired. He sluggishly got out of bed and went to freshen up in the bathroom.

When he came out again and sat down beside the small round table, he noticed that Qi Wang was wearing the clothes hanging in the wardrobe, all of which he had personally bought, and he wasn’t reading a book as he initially thought; instead, the sheets spread out on the table were clearly his own letters.

“Oh my…”

Yu Nian leaned back, resting against the chair, feeling belated embarrassment washing over him.

“Don’t look at them, okay?” he turned his face away, feeling a bit embarrassed. “There’s nothing worth seeing. If you had come a few days later, I would have burned these letters.”

These tear-stained letters, in essence, were all about his admiration for Qi Wang. They claimed to be breakup letters but were more like love letters.

Even though there had been disappointment and despair, without love, how could there be pain?

Yu Nian felt his face heating up at the thought.

He wanted to snatch those papers back, but as he made a move, Qi Wang swiftly folded the papers and stuffed them into his pocket, skillfully, showing no signs of regression from when he was twenty.

Yu Nian froze.

Qi Wang was serious as he said, “These were written to me by you, so they’re mine now.”

“Huh.” Yu Nian almost burst into laughter at this bandit logic.

But looking at Qi Wang’s expression, he knew he couldn’t retrieve them anymore, so he gave up.

He didn’t bother to argue with Qi Wang anymore, simply saying, “Suit yourself, keep them if you want. After all, you’ve already read them.”

He picked up the glass of lemon water on the table and took a sip. The slightly sour taste seemed to stimulate his appetite even more. He glanced at the time and saw that it was already nine o’clock.

Looking at Qi Wang sitting across from him made him even more uneasy.

Since their reunion, he had been putting up a facade of indifference towards Qi Wang, pretending that he didn’t care, even using sarcasm to cover up his true feelings. But now that facade had been shattered, revealing traces of his genuine emotions underneath.

Yu Nian rubbed his forehead, feeling the shame of an adult suddenly washing over him.

He stood up abruptly. “I’ll go see if the landlady is back. Do these inns not provide breakfast?”

He didn’t wait for Qi Wang’s reaction and turned to open the door, heading downstairs.

But when he reached the living room on the ground floor, including the entrance, it was still empty.

The landlady hadn’t returned, as if she had abandoned the inn and fled.

Yu Nian raised an eyebrow, feeling the urge to dock the landlady’s pay.

This inn could barely sustain itself, and the landlady could enjoy snacking on melon seeds and drinking afternoon tea every day all thanks to his annual sponsorship.

As he was thinking about this, he heard the creaking sound of wooden stairs behind him, and Qi Wang also came downstairs.

Qi Wang walked behind him and said, “The landlady called this morning. The inn will be closed for the next few days, so she left it to us. We can stay as long as we want. Of course, she won’t provide breakfast anymore, but I can make you something if you like.”

Yu Nian suddenly felt like a cat whose tail had been stepped on, turning back to ask, “When did you two become so close?”

Qi Wang led Yu Nian towards the dining area.

“She called your phone, but you were still asleep, so I answered it.”

As they spoke, they had already reached the dining area, next to which was a semi-open kitchen.

Although this inn was not doing well in business, everything was well-equipped thanks to Yu Nian’s sponsorship.

Qi Wang already knew what was available in the kitchen. He took out a bag of coffee beans from the cupboard, grabbed a few and examined them, rolled up his sleeves, and asked Yu Nian, “What do you want, hand drip or flat white?”

These were the two types of coffee that Yu Nian drank the most now.

Yu Nian watched him, feeling that the layout of this inn’s dining area was somewhat reminiscent of “Morning Ten”. Besides having a similar taste to the landlady’s, it was also partly due to his contribution.

As he watched Qi Wang standing by the coffee machine, his thoughts suddenly drifted back to that winter many years ago.

“I’ll have a cup of Gui Meng,” Yu Nian said softly. “I heard it was specially crafted by the barista at Morning Ten.”

Before they left Morning Ten, Qi Wang used to study new products every month.

This was a special coffee introduced on New Year’s Day, consisting of caramel, milk, cream, espresso, and a hint of rum, and Yu Nian was the first customer to taste it.

Qi Wang also hesitated for a moment, then nodded. “Alright.”

The breakfast that Qi Wang eventually served included not only a cup of specialty coffee but also a sandwich and two toasted scones.

After breakfast, Yu Nian sunbathed in the yard for a while.

Now that the weather had cleared up, it dispelled the morning’s gloominess, and the warm sunlight was comforting.

He didn’t feel like going anywhere today and just wanted to while away the time here.

But Qi Wang asked him, “Can you go out for a walk with me?”

Yu Nian closed his eyes, feeling absent-minded. “Where to?”

“I want to revisit the places we used to go, see if the old mining park is still there, along with the tracks and the tram from back then.”

Yu Nian’s rocking chair came to a sudden stop, and he raised his eyelids to look at him.

Qi Wang’s gaze fell ahead, and from here, he could vaguely see Jiangyang County’s amusement park, along with that enormous Ferris wheel.

Yu Nian hesitated for a moment.

Revisiting old places like this was indeed a sweet memory for couples in love, but for him and Qi Wang, it might just be a double-edged sword.

Over the years, he had come back and forth to Jiangyang County many times, but he never mustered the courage to visit a few times.

But he still nodded and sighed lightly. “Alright.”

They soon arrived at the amusement park by car. This place was originally a small amusement park, but it had declined considerably. Especially in the dead of winter, there weren’t many visitors, mostly just people from nearby towns bringing their children.

Many of the snack vendors who used to sell here were no longer around, leaving behind only one or two small shops selling hot dogs and soda.

Yu Nian looked at the slowly rotating Ferris wheel in front of him and remained silent for a long time.

He was no longer the impulsive young man he used to be. Seeing young couples entering the Ferris wheel one by one, he felt a bit world-weary.

He still remembered confessing his feelings to Qi Wang on the Ferris wheel, only for Qi Wang to turn his head and ambiguously reject him.

Back then, he was truly heartbroken.

But because he ended up being with Qi Wang later on, recalling it now didn’t make him feel sad. He just saw it as a necessary episode in life.

He asked Qi Wang, “Do you still want to go up? But we’re both adults now, isn’t it a bit awkward? Look, those are all around twenty years old.”

Qi Wang’s eyes were initially deep, reminiscing about many past events. But when he heard Yu Nian say this, he couldn’t help but smile.

“Are you willing to go up with me?” he asked Yu Nian, taking out a few colorful coins from his pocket. These were exchanged at the amusement park and could be used for rides.

He had two coins lying in the palm of his hand, one blue and one red.

Yu Nian raised an eyebrow. Despite being wrapped in a scarf against the winter wind, his exposed skin still felt a bit raw.

He thought, perhaps he had truly fallen for Qi Wang in this lifetime.

Now, he was a well-known and stylish designer, accustomed to the glamor and decadence of the fashion industry. Yet here he was, in the dead of winter, riding a Ferris wheel in a desolate small town, reliving old dreams.

It would be laughable if anyone found out.

But he fell silent for a moment, sighed within his scarf, and then took a red coin from Qi Wang’s palm.

“I’ll only ride with you once.”

Yu Nian said this resolutely, but after getting off the Ferris wheel, he was once again led by Qi Wang to the mining park.

Surprisingly, the old rickety mine carts were still in operation, although they looked even more weathered than before.

Yu Nian frowned, watching the cart clanking towards them, unable to help but doubt, “Are these carts not going to fall apart halfway?”

But as he spoke, he still let Qi Wang lead him by the hand onto the last row of seats.

The waterside forest outside the window was still the same as he remembered, as if he could reach out and touch it.

With fallen leaves covering the ground and clear weather outside, the cart’s exterior was green, and the seats inside were wooden. Due to lack of maintenance, some even had cracks. Sunlight streamed in through the glass windows, casting dappled shadows.

Yu Nian sat in his seat, feeling somewhat uncomfortable for no apparent reason.

Actually, this was where he and Qi Wang truly began.

He got his first kiss from Qi Wang here. The person he yearned for, who clearly wanted to push him away, yet succumbed to his persistence and recklessness, reluctantly accepting his kiss.

Thinking back, it all seemed like a lifetime ago.

Yu Nian almost couldn’t believe that the brave person back then was himself.

Nowadays, he might not have the courage to do the same.

Humans are fragile; once hurt, they tend to retreat like a clam and find it difficult to regain their former vitality and fearlessness.

Perhaps because of this matter, Yu Nian remained silent throughout.

He wanted to ask Qi Wang, “If we met when I was in my twenties, would I still love you like this?”

After all, adults always have boundaries and understand when to retreat. If rejected, they won’t persist relentlessly, leaving each other a bit of dignity. But sometimes, love requires impulsiveness and fearlessness.

But he only thought about it and didn’t ask, because fate had arranged for him to meet Qi Wang at the most carefree age of eighteen.

This question was meaningless.

The train clanked and climbed towards the mountaintop. Yu Nian looked out the window and remembered there was a small mineral museum on the mountaintop where Qi Wang had bought him a piece of fluorite.

In the distance, he saw a building on the mountaintop, and he couldn’t help but lean forward. However, when he saw clearly, he was stunned.

The museum was still there, but it had been closed and abandoned, with a heavy chain hanging on the door.

Yu Nian couldn’t help but feel disappointed. He sat back in his seat without saying anything.

He no longer had the enthusiasm to get off and walk around; he just quietly waited for the train to return.

But when the train started moving again, he heard Qi Wang ask, “Do you still have the piece of fluorite I gave you?”

Yu Nian lowered his eyes and shook his head after a few seconds.

“Lost it,” he spoke the truth. “I wore it on my hand when I went abroad, but when I graduated, the string accidentally broke, and I don’t know where the stone rolled off to.”

Back then, he had strung the fluorite into a bracelet and also made one with obsidian for Qi Wang, forcing Qi Wang to wear it. Many years later, the obsidian bracelet was still on Qi Wang’s wrist.

His piece of fluorite, however, had disappeared without a trace.

Yu Nian felt a bit melancholic but suddenly felt a light touch on his arm.

He lowered his head, his eyelashes trembling slightly.

It was as if the scene was replaying itself: a glass box containing a colorful fluorite being presented to him, even the box looked like the same one from back then, with the logo of the mineral museum on it.

Yu Nian widened his eyes in disbelief and asked, “Where did you get this?”

Qi Wang hadn’t expected this fluorite to come in handy here. When he bought it years ago, it was just a memento for himself.

He said, “As I told you before, one year I actually went back to Jiangyang County, but didn’t dare to stay long. At that time, there was a souvenir cart at the amusement park near the museum, and I saw this fluorite, so I bought it.”

“It was the last one, and there was a little girl who also wanted it, but I snatched it away.”

Qi Wang opened the box and took out the fluorite from inside. Underneath the fluorite was a thin chain, turning it into a necklace.

He looked at Yu Nian, memories of all these years flashing through his mind.

He hadn’t come back for a nostalgic trip; he was keenly aware that the 26-year-old Yu Nian was by his side.

The 18-year-old Yu Nian was passionate and fearless. Even if rejected, he still stuck to him like a little puppy, never turning back once he set his mind on something.

The 26-year-old Yu Nian was calm and composed, with the flames of his youth still burning in his heart, but buried deep under layers of ice, reluctant to reveal itself easily.

He had turned Yu Nian into this.

His beloved, over the years of being away from him, had gradually been eroded by time, tainted with the world’s indifference and distance. This was something Qi Wang found unforgivable about himself more than anything else.

Qi Wang held the fluorite in his hand and asked Yu Nian, “Do you know what I was thinking when I gave you this fluorite back then?”

Yu Nian shook his head.

“I said it was a memento for you, and on the surface, I thought this fluorite was as beautiful as you. But deep down, I was thinking that the one who truly resembled this fluorite was me. Just an appearance, temporarily clouding your judgment. But fluorite is very cheap, found everywhere, and can’t match you at all. What truly suits you are diamonds, sapphires, emeralds, all precious gemstones, anything but me.”

Qi Wang paused, seeing Yu Nian’s face darken slightly, as if he was not satisfied with his explanation.

But he continued, “Since I fell in love with you at the age of 20, I felt I wasn’t worthy of you. You’re too good, too good for someone like me. If I’m not mistaken, your brother and sister probably didn’t tell you everything about their conversation with me, so you don’t know how I grew up and how absurd my upbringing environment was.”

“But over the years, with the blessings of my teachers, I’ve built my own career and achievements. In the eyes of outsiders, I probably have both fame and fortune.”

Yu Nian listened coldly.

He couldn’t help but say, “So do you finally think you’re worthy of me now?”

But Qi Wang shook his head.

He looked at Yu Nian, the lush cypress forest reflected in the glass, and this desolate winter seemed no different from eight years ago.

And it took him so many years to finally understand Yu Nian’s sincerity and honesty.

“No, now I finally understand that whether I’m fluorite or diamond, you will still love me.”

Qi Wang said, feeling a moment of dizziness himself.

Such a simple truth.

But the 20-year-old him couldn’t see through it no matter what. He fruitlessly tried to leave a trace of purity in Yu Nian’s heart, dared not to reveal his past, and ended up causing Yu Nian even greater pain.

He opened his palm and presented the glittering fluorite to Yu Nian.

“I want to ask you, do you still want to accept it, and do you still want to accept me?”

“I can’t make up for the past, but if you still want to be with me, I swear to you, nothing in this lifetime except death will separate us. I will always treat you well, love you, and never let you be sad.”

“I will take you to where I grew up, tell you about my past, my origins, and for the rest of my life, I won’t hide anything from you.”

^[1]Author’s note: There are probably only about ten chapters left. I’ll write about Qi Wang’s background, the past, talk about love, dates, and these two unlucky lovers should … Continue reading