Your Nightmare (Krish’s POV)

Shinobu continued to sleep all day. The prescribed medication was to be taken three times a day: morning, noon, and night. If his fever rose during the night, he would take it again.

To keep him hydrated and to provide some nutrition, I gave him juice, followed by his medication.

As I fed him everything mouth-to-mouth, the initial feelings of guilt faded away.

Gently stroking Shinobu’s head as he wrinkled his nose in distaste for the medicine, I whispered that he was a “good boy,” feeling more like a parent bird feeding its chick rather than a caregiver.

When I poked at his complaining lips with a spoon coated in honey, he instinctively opened his mouth. Watching him mumble with his wrinkled brow gradually relaxing made my cheeks soften with affection.

While giving him the medication, I noticed how his small hands clutched the blanket so tightly until his nails turned pale. As circulation improved, I saw bits of dirt stuck between his now pink nails, and I brushed them away with my fingers.

Shinobu was soft all over, even his nails seemed fragile, as if they might peel off easily. I considered if it would be better to put him in gloves made of soft fabric, but then shook my head, realizing I might be overprotective.

I knew I was being irrational, but I couldn’t help worrying about Shinobu. I didn’t want to see his smile turn into tears. I wanted to prevent him from getting muddy and scared, like today.

But what could I do? I couldn’t always be with Shinobu. When I went on missions, I wouldn’t return for years, and if anything happened during that time, I wouldn’t be able to rush to his side.

Would it be better for him to have a real family? If he were to marry someone and live with them, would that put my mind at ease?

In that case, his partner would likely be a woman, as Shinobu doesn’t view the same sex romantically.

Imagining him holding hands with a woman and smiling made me feel an uncomfortable sensation in my throat, surprising me and causing me to stand up.

The chair made a loud noise as I stood, which caused Shinobu to murmur, “Umm…”

Worried that I might have woken him, I observed him mumbling something in his sleep before his breathing deepened again, and I sighed in relief, sitting back down.

What was I just thinking?

I pressed my lips together in shock at the unexpected thoughts. I had imagined pulling my hand away from his and drawing him towards me. It felt almost…

I decided it was better not to think further, shaking my head again as I straightened his blanket and stood up. This time, I carefully left the room to avoid making noise as I cleared away the empty glass.

Shinobu was able to speak when he recovered enough later that night. We ended up sleeping in the same bed, and while I warmed the chilled Shinobu with my body heat. I realized then that he truly came from a different world.

It seemed he had no understanding of what it meant for two adults who weren’t family to share a bed in a closed space.

If it were me or his friends like Norn, it would be fine. They had some understanding of the circumstances Shinobu had lived through and knew his personality. However, with others, the invitation to share a bed might be interpreted as a “nightly invitation,” stemming from Shinobu’s kindness.

People have different preferences, and some may have inappropriate interests towards children. Those kinds of individuals might see this as an opportunity.

It would be too late once a misunderstanding occurred. I should probably explain this to Shinobu soon.

How could I explain it without scaring or hurting him? I never thought I would find myself feeling the same concerns a single parent has about sex education for their adolescent child.

Well, that’s a discussion for later. First, I should wait until Shinobu’s injuries heal before bringing it up.

As I pondered this while taking care of him, morning arrived, and Shinobu’s fever had decreased to a mild one. He seemed eager to get up and return to his daily life, but mornings typically bring lower body temperatures. Considering the future, it would be better for him to rest now to recover quickly rather than risk a prolonged illness by pushing himself.

I told him that he could get up once the doctor allowed it, but of course, the permission didn’t come. Feeling sorry for his disappointment, I arranged for him to see his family for a little distraction, which made him break into a radiant smile.

Seeing Shinobu smile like that after so long made me feel happy too. However, it seemed one night of rest wasn’t enough for his stamina, and after carrying him back to the room and chatting for a bit, he soon fell asleep.

“Krish, taking care of him alone must be tough. You didn’t get much sleep last night, did you?

We can help, so shouldn’t we set up a shift system to take turns caring for him?”

“…No, it’s better if I do it alone. Shinobu was just attacked. He might not be able to rest comfortably with strangers nearby.”

The offer from my subordinate came while I was receiving a report about the search for plants surrounding the house while Shinobu was sleeping.

However, recalling last night, I immediately declined. I didn’t think my subordinates would do anything inappropriate towards Shinobu, who was injured, but imagining them sleeping in the same bed like I had last night made it impossible for me to say, “Please help.”

I was truly relieved that I hadn’t asked for help, using Shinobu’s mental state as an excuse. It was the second night after his injury when I felt like applauding my own judgment.

—

The wind, which had picked up during the night, occasionally rattled the window. Being sensitive to sounds due to my profession, I listened to it while dozing off.

The strange occurrence happened when a particularly strong gust of wind hit the window. Although it was a sound that would go unnoticed by an ordinary person, Shinobu, who should have been deeply asleep beside me, suddenly sat up.

“I have to go…”

“Shinobu, what’s wrong?”

He murmured in a faint voice, trying to get out of bed despite groaning in pain. I grabbed his hand, but he surprisingly pushed me away with strength I didn’t expect.

As if he couldn’t hear my voice, he stumbled towards the only exit, the door of the room. I hurried to catch him, but he began flailing his arms and legs in resistance.

“Shinobu!!”

For Shinobu, any intense movement was only going to harm him. I wrapped my arms around his flailing limbs and carried him back to bed, sitting him on my knee to restrain him. Though his eyes were wide open, they were unfocused, as if he didn’t recognize that it was me holding him.

I was used to restraining people, but that was with criminals. I couldn’t twist Shinobu’s arms or lock his joints. More than anything, his softness made me fear that I might hurt him with even a little force, so I could only call his name and try to awaken him.

“Let me go, don’t stop me.”

“I have to go…”

He continued to struggle, whispering. Where could he possibly want to go in such a desperate state?

Confused and uncertain, I finally understood when he suddenly stopped moving and spoke.

“There was a noise outside. I have to go save Pochi. If I don’t, Brian will be taken away. Pyonkichi will be eaten!”

Shinobu was fighting in his dream. In his mind, nothing had ended yet.

Even though the perpetrators were all caught and the livestock were safe, he was still regretting that he couldn’t protect his family.

“Why are you stopping me? I have to go! I’m the only one who can!”

“If I don’t hurry, they’ll be taken away. I’ll be alone again.”

“I don’t want that! I want to be with everyone. I finally have a family! They’re my family! I’ll definitely save them!”

“Shinobu.”

Overcome by his heartfelt cries, I turned him over and held him tightly. As he cried loudly like a child, I brushed the sweaty bangs from his forehead and whispered into his ear.

“Listen closely, that’s the wind hitting the window. There’s no one outside.”

I reassured him that there was nothing to worry about, that it was all over, and finally, Shinobu responded quietly.

“The wind…?”

“Yes. The men have been caught. They will never appear before you again.”

“They were caught…?”

Relieved that we could finally communicate, I sat him up, and the vacant look in his eyes was replaced by a spark of awareness as he looked up at me.

“Krish-san?”

“Yes. What’s wrong, Shinobu? Were you having a nightmare?”

I spoke in a calm voice, trying not to disturb him, and tucked his hair behind his ear. Gradually, his tense body relaxed, and his blinking slowed.

“I’ll stay by your side until morning. I’ll chase away any bad dreams.”

“Okay…”

I gently stroked his cheek, frowning at the higher-than-usual body temperature. His flushed cheeks were likely due to both his earlier struggles and a rising fever.

His breathing sounded a bit labored, so I took the medicine I had placed on the sideboard, dissolved it in water, and prepared to give it to him.

How many times had I fixed his cheeks to prevent him from escaping as I fed him the medication? I had grown accustomed to it and could anticipate his next actions. As expected, his little tongue pushed the medicine back. Watching the excess liquid dribble down his cheek and soak into the pillow, I entwined my tongue with his to guide the medicine down his throat.

“Ugh…”

He groaned in discontent. I confirmed that his throat moved and released his lips, wiping away the remnants of the medicine.

“N-no… I won’t eat it…”

“Ears?”

I couldn’t help but laugh at his silly sleep talk. I wondered what kind of dream he was having. Watching him puff up his cheeks in a sulky manner, I felt relieved that it didn’t seem to be a bad dream. I took some honey and stepped out to refill the water in the pitcher.

When I returned, Shinobu was curled up and sleeping under the blankets.

“Shinobu, you’ll have trouble breathing if you’re all covered up, right? …You’re shivering. Are you cold?”

I pulled his shivering body out from under the blanket and into my arms, and he snuggled closer.

“Warm…”

His curled-up hands and feet slowly stretched out, and his thin legs intertwined with mine. As I gently patted his back and reassured him, I reflected on earlier.

Waking up from a nightmare is a common occurrence among young knights. Given their profession, they can’t avoid encounters with criminals or beasts. The exchange of lives is different from training. No matter how strong one’s spirit, pointing a sword at someone trying to take their life is terrifying.

I had experienced waking up from a dream where I felt the sensation of cutting through flesh and bone during my first battle. Even knights who train daily go through that. How much more frightening must it have been for Shinobu, an ordinary person, to be surrounded by five criminals?

In such moments, knights often relieve their heightened emotions by connecting physically with each other. It’s a quick and effective way, and when there aren’t places nearby for that, it falls to senior knights to take care of each other.

I had both received and given such care often. Sometimes it was merely rubbing against one another, and other times, it led to deeper connections.

However, I couldn’t use the same methods with Shinobu. He was clearly inexperienced and unknowledgeable about such things, and I risked inflicting a new trauma on him.

“I suppose it would be best for him to see the doctor again…”

The elderly doctor who examined Shinobu had been a knight in his youth, accompanying expeditions. I had heard he was knowledgeable not just about physical injuries but also about mental distress. It would be necessary to consult him again about his future care.

“Hmm… fluffy…”

Murmuring in his sleep, Shinobu’s temperature still hadn’t shown any signs of decreasing, even after taking the medication.

“I hope it goes down by morning.”

That night, I kept my gaze on Shinobu’s sleeping face until dawn.

Whenever I moved away, he would let out a small whimper, so I drew him closer, patting his back and brushing away his sweat. At some point, I found myself kissing his forehead, and I reflected that this might be going too far.

At this point, I was beginning to realize what kind of feelings I had for Shinobu. I also understood that those feelings might not be something he could accept.

There was still time to keep it at bay. If I sealed away my feelings and kept a respectful distance, they would likely fade away.

Before that, I wanted to save him from the nightmares that tormented him. By the time he could sleep peacefully at night, I would likely be off on another journey, seeking hope for the world.

That would be convenient for extinguishing the smoldering feelings within me.