Yan Chen walked out of the elevator with a despondent look, like a defeated wolf.

The lights in the apartment building’s hallway weren’t on, only a flicker of fire in the dark and stormy weather.

Xie Nancang stood in the darkness, one hand holding newly bought bandages and antiseptic, the other hand holding a cigarette, occasionally taking a drag.

Yan Chen walked over, dispersing the smoke, and said angrily, “Why haven’t you left yet?”

“The one who should leave is you.” Xie Nancang stubbed out his cigarette and tossed it into a trash can two steps away.

“He has finally started his life anew. If you have even a bit of sincerity towards him, you shouldn’t disturb his peace at this time,” Xie Nancang said with a stern tone, delivering a lesson.

Yan Chen disliked his lecturing tone. “What do you understand?”

He declared that An Yi’s sovereignty still rested in his hands. This was the most direct way to drive away a rival. “An Yi has been with me for over five years. It’s none of your business to meddle in our affairs as an outsider.”

“That was in the past. Now you are the outsider,” Xie Nancang said solemnly. “The person you don’t cherish, I will cherish in the future. Please refrain from meddling further.”

Yan Chen felt a fire burning in his heart. At that moment, Xie Nancang pointed towards Yan Chen as two security guards approached with umbrellas in the rain. “It’s this person. He’s not a resident here. Please don’t let him pass easily in the future.”

“…”

Yan Chen returned to his car, pounding the steering wheel in anger several times, his joints almost breaking, but the pain in his hands was nothing compared to the agony in his heart.

He waited at the door for a long time, until Xie Nancang left the apartment with an umbrella and headed towards the Mercedes parked on the side of the road. Yan Chen started the engine of his car, and the powerful Cherokee roared like a beast in the rainy night, charging straight towards Xie Nancang.

Xie Nancang quickly stepped aside, and the Cherokee came to a sudden halt, splattering him with mud.

The car window was pitch black. Xie Nancang was certain that a face filled with extreme anger was concealed in the darkness. He thought Yan Chen would get out of the car and confront him, but the dominant figure on the road remained silent for only two seconds before revving the engine and driving away.

Unfamiliar with Jin Hai, Yan Chen drove around for a long time in the rainy night before entering a street lined with bars.

He casually pushed open the door of a nightclub, trying to dispel the chill in his heart with the hot nightlife.

But no matter how much he drank, how wild he danced, Yan Chen still felt unbearable discomfort. His stomach churned like a raging sea, unable to vomit anything out, and his chest ached in waves. Sometimes, even breathing was accompanied by excruciating pain throughout his entire body.

He had never imagined that the end of a relationship could actually cause physical discomfort.

He refused to believe it. He used to be carefree, and he could be again in the future.

So he ordered more drinks, called more people, desperately needing revelry and alcohol to numb himself.

When he was nearly intoxicated, the door of the private room was pushed open, and Yan Chen, in a daze, saw someone approaching him, patting his hot face.

Yan Chen grabbed the person’s hand and softly called him “An Yi.”

Qi Wenxing was covered in goosebumps from being called that name. He quickly shook off his hand, frowning, “How much have you been drinking? Aren’t you afraid of drinking yourself to death?”

Yan Chen half-lay on the sofa, his long legs bent and resting on the edge of the table beside him, his eyes staring blankly at the colorful spotlights above his head.

Qin Muye, who followed behind, picked up a glass of wine and splashed it on his face.

Yan Chen frowned and took a moment before he recognized the face of the person beside him. When he spoke, his voice sounded like an old, wheezy bellows.

“Why are you here?”

“How dare you say that,” Qi Wenxing sighed. “You left in a hurry that day, and the card I gave you is linked to my sister’s phone. You’ve been swiping that card like crazy these past two days, and my sister scolded me from head to toe. So I flew here overnight to find you.”

Qin Muye put his hands in his pockets, sat down beside him, and said softly, “I came specially to see you make a fool of yourself.”

“What’s going on?” Qi Wenxing noticed that Yan Chen was not in the right state and asked quietly, “Did you not find Teacher An, or did things fall apart?”

Qin Muye sneered, “Obviously, things fell apart.”

Qi Wenxing gave him a meaningful look, telling him not to speak.

Qin Muye didn’t care, though. He came here for a reason.

“Yan Chen, Yi ge is an honest person, he is very pure and also very fragile. If you can’t wholeheartedly devote yourself to him, then let go early, don’t harm him.”

Yan Chen raised his hand to cover his eyes and made an indistinct hum from his nose.

After Qin Muye finished speaking, he called a waiter to clean up the private room and brought another round of drinks and fruit platters.

After a while, Yan Chen sat up, took a glass of whisky, and drank it in one gulp.

Qi Wenxing couldn’t bear to see him so downcast, so he reached out and patted his shoulder, smilingly advising, “It’s just a breakup, buddy. With my experience, once you break up, you just find someone else. It’s no big deal.”

Yan Chen hung his head, his bangs falling to cover his obscure and reddened eyes.

“If you like the type of Teacher An,” Qi Wenxing said, “It’s easy. There are plenty of gentle and attractive young men in this world. I can call a few friends over for you now, and I guarantee you’ll feel comfortable and satisfied.”

Qi Wenxing mingled in society, knowing many people even in Jin Hai.

Soon, there was a handsome young man beside Yan Chen, with features and temperament somewhat similar to An Yi. He was gentle, and Yan Chen didn’t even need to speak; the other person could anticipate his needs as if by telepathy, making him feel comfortable.

Qi Wenxing was right. With his qualities, the love and admiration of so many people in the world were easily within his reach.

For a moment, Yan Chen thought vindictively: See, when you leave me, someone else will fill the void.

But in an instant, he felt ridiculous and bored.

This person was not An Yi, although Yan Chen had tried his best to imagine An Yi’s appearance in his mind, but he was not him.

An Yi was bashful, no matter how many times he learned, he still showed a hint of shyness to cater to him; he was also stubborn, even though Jiang Hai had told him not to wait for Yan Chen to come home, and to rest early, he could still get a night light and hot soup at night; An Yi was also naive, just a few times of help in his youth, he could give his heart unreservedly, loving him purely and without any ulterior motives.

This was An Yi, the unique An Yi.

No one could replace him.

Yan Chen sighed deeply, feeling powerless.

He pushed the person aside and went to the bathroom to wash his face thoroughly, washing away all the decadence, frustration, and fatigue of the past few days.

He found Qi Wenxing, his voice still hoarse. “Give me Xie Nancang’s information.”

“What are you going to do?” Qi Wenxing said cautiously, “Don’t mess around. This isn’t Xichuan. No one will bail you out here.”

“What can I do,” Yan Chen sneered, “Stop talking nonsense, just give it to me, you don’t need to worry about anything else.”

Yan Chen held up the car keys, “Let me borrow the car for a while longer.”

Qi Wenxing  made an “oh” sound, watching him walk out, asking him, “Where are you going? Did you buy a new phone? How do I contact you!”

Yan Chen waved his hand without looking back.

He drove back to An Yi’s apartment and waited from dawn until morning at 8:30 when An Yi left for class.

An Yi’s right palm was wrapped in bandages, carrying a backpack, he walked quietly to the nearby bus stop, waiting for the bus.

Yan Chen drove over, lowered the car window, and honked the horn.

An Yi’s face changed slightly, he lowered his head, pretending not to see.

Yan Chen’s car arrogantly occupied the bus lane, preventing subsequent buses from entering the station. Hearing the whispers and complaints from the people around him, An Yi stood up suddenly and walked quickly forward.

Yan Chen then followed him slowly with the car.

An Yi simply turned into an alley, threading through the streets and alleys, walking to the training class.

Thinking he had escaped, who knew that at noon after class, Yan Chen would be waiting for him outside the classroom.

“What do you want?” An Yi said helplessly, “I thought I made myself clear that night.”

“I was also clear,” Yan Chen still had that domineering look, “You belong to me.”

Seeing An Yi frown and about to retort, he softened his tone a bit, sighed and said, “I just came to see you. Does your hand still hurt?”

An Yi didn’t answer, just said, “Look and then leave, don’t come again in the future.”

Yan Chen’s chest felt sour, and he said in a deep voice, “I can’t even look at you a little longer?”

“You’re bothering me like this,” An Yi said, “You can skip work every day, but I can’t. I still want to study and learn, I don’t have the energy to entangle with you.”

“How can this be considered entanglement?” Yan Chen’s voice, which had just risen in volume, softened when he saw An Yi frown. “If you want to study, that’s fine. Come back with me to Xichuan, and I can find better teachers for you. You can learn whatever you want.”

“No need,” An Yi felt a wave of exhaustion, this feeling more agonizing than staying up all night.

With people bustling around the classroom entrance, Yan Chen reached out to take him to an empty classroom to talk.

But An Yi evaded his hand.

Yan Chen’s heart skipped a beat at this moment.

“An Yi,” Yan Chen said firmly, “I’m telling you seriously again, come back with me. From now on, I’ll only have you, and I won’t marry anyone else. I’ve already made it clear to my family that I like men, I only like you. Come back with me and continue our life together, alright?”

Yan Chen felt he had been humble enough. If An Yi didn’t let him touch him, he would try to hold onto his clothes instead. “Come back with me. You…”

He hesitated for a moment, finding it difficult to continue, before lowering his voice to a barely audible level. “Your… your affair with that person… I can forgive it, but there can’t be a next time.”

An Yi listened quietly, his expression on his fair face always obscure.

Yan Chen couldn’t grasp his meaning and, trying to please him, tugged at his clothes. “So, what do you say? Give me an answer.”

“No,” An Yi refused bluntly. “Just leave.”

Yan Chen froze on the spot.

Wasn’t he being humble enough? Why did An Yi still stubbornly resist him?

“What do you want from me?” Yan Chen tried to restrain his emotions. “Your… your affair… I can forgive, am I not sincere enough?”

An Yi suddenly laughed. “Forgive? We broke up long ago. Do you think I need your forgiveness for who I sleep with?”

“You!” Yan Chen’s handsome face alternated between red and white, staring at An Yi, suddenly feeling him so unfamiliar.

^[1]Author’s note:

Someone still has a long way to go before fully awakening, and making amends.