Chapter 11: Brother, can you teach me how to chase him?

“I want to dominate him.”

The consultation room fell into silence.

Su Lixu watched as Fu Xingran stared directly into his eyes, not ashamed, the emotions in his gaze intense and fervent. It felt as if he could sense the overwhelming emotions, like being tightly embraced by powerful arms.

Yet, it was extremely invasive.

Such extreme thoughts were clearly not right.

“Xingran, your thoughts are dangerous.”

Fu Xingran’s hand, which had been fidgeting with the edge of the table, suddenly tightened. He lowered his gaze, containing the emotions about to burst out, and softly asked, “So, is this what liking someone feels like?”

“Then can you tell me what kind of emotions you think qualify as liking?” Su Lixu didn’t rush to deny, but approached it from a different angle.

At the same time, he was surprised. Fu Xingran actually had someone he liked, and from his words, it was evident that he liked him a lot.

Each sentence is filled with danger.

He understands the emotions of individuals with borderline personality disorder; it’s intense, scalding, like a blooming red rose, adorned with magnificence. Hence, individuals with borderline personality disorder have remarkably high demands in relationships. As long as it’s someone they deeply love, their gaze will never waver. However, if it’s not love, they won’t hesitate to destroy the world.

The person loved by Fu Xingran is about to experience such fervent and rapid affection.

Yet, it is enveloped in a danger akin to raging fire.

“Just not seeing him makes me yearn for him, wanting to hug and kiss him. When he’s happy, I’m happy; when he’s not happy, I’m not happy either. I even want to do more intimate things with him. Dr. Su, is this love?” Fu Xingran lifted his gaze, his eyes burning.

Su Lixu slowly relaxed his furrowed brows; saying so seems to make sense. It’s just that the previous statement felt a bit inappropriate to him, but this is the emotional characteristic of individuals with borderline personality disorder – expressing their affection for someone they like without reservation.

It is precisely this unrestrained, straightforward, and passionate liking that comes with obsession.

“Xingran, love cannot be forced. Your desire for intimacy is because you like him, but you don’t know if he likes you, right? So, you can’t say such things to him. Liking someone is a gradual, mutually respectful process; it can’t be rushed.”

“I’ve already told him,” Fu Xingran replied almost instantly.

Su Lixu was somewhat surprised, “You’ve already told him? What was his reaction?”

Fu Xingran stared at Su Lixu for a moment, then smiled brightly, “He’s very gentle, didn’t scold me. But I guess he might still be considering whether to like me or not. I think I should give him time to think. So, Dr. Su, isn’t this an illness?”

“Liking someone is not an illness; it’s very normal.” Su Lixu felt he might have been too sensitive, thinking that Fu Xingran had some painful experience again. It turned out to be just uncertainty about whether these feelings are mutual. “I thought something was wrong. It’s okay; if you like him, go pursue it.”

“But… I don’t know what he thinks of me,” Fu Xingran said, his brows drooping again, looking distressed. “And these days, he hasn’t been talking to me.”

“…. Ignoring you?”

“Mm,” Fu Xingran responded dejectedly. Resting his cheek on his hand, he sighed, “No calls or messages, feeling so sad. I haven’t slept well. He definitely dislike me or I’m not his type. What should I do?”

Seeing Fu Xingran on the verge of tears again, Su Lixu suppressed a rising smile. Though he knew it wasn’t the right time for such a smirk, he couldn’t help but find it amusing when this guy was about to cry.

Although he quickly composed his expression, Fu Xingran was sharp enough to notice.

“Are you making fun of me?” Fu Xingran looked at Su Lixu in disbelief.

“How could I make fun of you?” Su Lixu coughed, lowering his head, hands clasped, feigning nonchalance. “I’m sincerely listening to your concerns. Please continue.”

“I won’t say anything.” Fu Xingran slumped back like a deflated balloon, gaze resentful on Su Lixu’s desk. It seemed like he was waiting for something.

Su Lixu took in Fu Xingran’s expression, his lips curving slightly. Mimicking Fu Xingran, he leaned back in his chair, adopting a relaxed posture. “Then, let’s not talk about it.”

Can’t indulge.

Fu Xingran heard Su Lixu’s words with a blank expression. What, he’s really not going to comfort him anymore? Hasn’t he always comforted him before? Could it be that he really doesn’t like him anymore?

Fingertips trembled slightly, instinctively reaching for the wristwatch strap.

Su Lixu’s eyes darkened abruptly, and his brows furrowed when he noticed Fu Xingran’s wrist-touching gesture. This small movement was too familiar to him.

Back in the hospital, whenever Fu Xingran was upset or angry, he liked to use objects to scratch his wrists, finding relief in the pain from these small or large wounds.

So now, is he upset because the issue hasn’t been resolved or because of Su Lixu’s attitude?

But it seems it’s because of Su Lixu’s attitude.

No more comforting him when he throws a tantrum like in the past.

The atmosphere in the office was briefly tense, finally shattered by the sound of a chair being pushed back slightly.

Su Lixu walked over to Fu Xingran, leaning against the desk corner. He bent down, getting close to the sulking Fu Xingran, and pinched his ear.

“You can speak, I’m listening.”

Well, better console him first, just in case.

Cool hands gently rubbed against his earlobes, and the man’s voice, as gentle as jade, echoed by his ear.

Fu Xingran was momentarily stunned, raising his gaze to meet Su Lixu’s amber eyes so close. It felt like crashing into tenderness as Su Lixu continued to knead and soothe his earlobes. All the grievances on his mind were smoothed away.

Just a moment ago, he almost lost control due to Su Lixu’s words, and now, he could surrender willingly to Su Lixu’s gentle comfort.

He just gazed at Su Lixu, who was leaning down and rubbing his earlobes.

Su Lixu was clad in a beige linen shirt, his straight and slender legs wrapped in black trousers. Leaning against the desk, his long legs slightly bent, and he lightly brushed against Fu Xingran’s leg. His fair and slender neck moved as he spoke.

The hands kneading his earlobes were pale and cold, resembling white jade, and faint veins could be seen beneath the thin skin.

The wrist emitted a faint fragrance of August night osmanthus – this was his addiction.

Heartbeat suddenly accelerated.

They were too close; he was going to start overthinking again.

What should he do, push away?

But that wouldn’t be right.

Su Lixu reached out, rubbing Fu Xingran’s earlobes. Seeing him staring, his touch gentle, Su Lixu coaxed, “Are you mad at me? If so, I apologize. But I think I should explain why, because I’m not your doctor now, and I assume you don’t want to see a doctor, right? So, I won’t immediately comfort you when you get upset.”

This comforting gesture was a small trick he accidentally discovered when Fu Xingran was in the hospital, often throwing tantrums at night.

As expected, it worked.

“If you now consider me a teacher, a brother, or a friend, when you get upset with me, shouldn’t you try to empathize and think if I might get upset when you do?”

The man’s gentle cooing echoed in his ears, accompanied by the earlobe rubbing, as if a feather was teasing his heart, tickling and pleasantly tingling. Fu Xingran suddenly froze.

Ah, so that’s how it is?

“Brother, I was really serious just now. When I saw you laughing, I thought you were mocking me, so I got upset.”

Su Lixu chuckled, “I wasn’t mocking you.”

“Then why were you laughing?”

“Because you’re cute.” Su Lixu thought of the puppy-eyed expression Fu Xingran had earlier and couldn’t help but chuckle when recalling it.

Fu Xingran’s eyes lit up.

He praised him!!! Dr. Su actually praised him as cute!!

Su Lixu thought it should be enough by now. Just as he was about to lower his hand, Fu Xingran’s hand firmly pressed it down.

“So, Teacher Su, are you curious about the person I like?” Fu Xingran grabbed onto those hands, unwilling to let them go. He had decided – he couldn’t stand the days without contacting Su Lixu.

It’s just unbearable.

Seeing Fu Xingran looking eager to tell him, Su Lixu helplessly chuckled and said, “Well, tell me then. I’m curious to know what kind of person could be liked by Xingran.”

Individuals with borderline personality disorder aren’t easily inclined to like someone because they tend to be sensitive and lack a sense of security. However, the person who manages to capture their affection must possess an immensely captivating charm.

Only such a person can make them willingly drop their guard and love wholeheartedly.

Since Fu Xingran wants to talk about it, let him.

“He is very gentle, very gentle, and very gentle.”

These three “very gentle” were spoken by Fu Xingran with a smile. With each repetition, he expressed the love buried deep within, and each time seemed to bring him more joy than the last. Every utterance represented his affection.

Su Lixu met Fu Xingran’s bright eyes, as if he had vividly captured the fervent and scalding love. Silently, it latched onto the door of his heart, then he heard Fu Xingran continue.

“I really like him, really like him, and really, really like him.” Fu Xingran’s hands covered Su Lixu’s hand, his gaze intensely focused on the man in front of him. “I can’t be without him. I don’t want to leave him for a single second. I want to be with him forever, never to be apart.”

Su Lixu had never seen Fu Xingran like this, yet this expression made Fu Xingran come alive.

It was like a burning fire, someone was feeding fuel to Fu Xingran, causing him to burn brightly and giving him the courage to want to live.

Su Lixu couldn’t help but think of Cheng Dieyi from “Farewell My Concubine.” Cheng Dieyi’s life was so splendid, and it was his obsession that ignited the most dazzling spark of his life.

Cheng Dieyi told his senior brother Duan Xiaolou, “I want you to perform with me for a lifetime! It must be a lifetime! Less than a minute, less than a second, doesn’t count as a lifetime!”

Seeing this scene moved everyone to tears. Now, in reality, when it was applied to someone with borderline personality disorder, such determination and deep affection shouldn’t be frightening; instead, it should be celebrated.

Celebrate that a vibrant life has been left in the world.

As long as it doesn’t spiral out of control, the love of someone with borderline personality disorder is the most passionate, sincere, and unrestrained love.

The person Fu Xingran likes becomes his switch, and Fu Xingran has almost handed over his emotions and life to that person.

“So, brother, can you teach me how to pursue him?”

“…”

Su Lixu was suddenly at a loss and pulled Fu Xingran’s hand down. “I can’t teach you this. I haven’t even encountered someone I like, so how can I teach you how to pursue someone?”

“Brother, have you never been in a relationship?” Fu Xingran’s eyes gleamed when he asked.

“No,” Su Lixu sat back in his chair, coughing lightly to cover up the awkwardness of being thirty and still single. “I’ve been busy, don’t have much time.

“In that moment of looking down, Su Lixu completely missed how heated Fu Xingran’s gaze had become.

“So, brother, what do you like?” Fu Xingran walked over to Su Lixu.

“Me?” Su Lixu puzzled, “Why are you asking me? You should ask the person you like.”

“I think the person you like must like you too.”

Su Lixu glanced at him, half in doubt, “How is that possible?”

“Really, you have the same taste as him,” Fu Xingran generously complimented. “So, I feel that the person you like will definitely like you back. Give me some advice; I really want him to like me.

“Su Lixu never expected someone to ask him how to pursue someone. This really stumped him; he had no idea how to do it. Looking at Fu Xingran’s eager expression, it seemed like now he had to research emotions alongside personality. “Give him a book?”

“Then, brother, what kind of books do you like?”

“I don’t have preferences.”

“I remember, brother, you have a wall of perfumes in your dressing room. Do you like collecting perfumes?”

“Yes, I really like perfumes, but not everyone does.”

“He probably has good taste like you, so he must like perfumes too.”

“You haven’t mentioned his age. You can judge what he might like based on his age.”

“He’s the same age as you.”

Su Lixu paused for half a second, looking at Fu Xingran in astonishment, as if he had discovered something.

Fu Xingran suddenly tensed, thinking Su Lixu had figured something out.

“Do you like older women?!” Su Lixu was somewhat surprised.

Fu Xingran instantly relaxed, thinking he had been found out, then he nodded with a smile, “I don’t think age matters. As long as it’s him, even if he’s sixty, I would still like him.”

“How did you two meet?” Su Lixu wondered how Fu Xingran, who was only twenty, could know such an older woman.

“We met at my house,” Fu Xingran answered truthfully.

Su Lixu’s expression suddenly became subtle, a look of wanting to say something but stopping.

Fu Xingran noticed and asked, “What’s wrong?”

Su Lixu lifted his hand to lightly pat Fu Xingran’s back, as if giving a reprimand. He spoke with a serious expression, “Even if someone is ten years older than you, you can’t just bring them home, especially if they’re a girl.”

“He came on his own,” Fu Xingran, feeling the itch from Su Lixu’s pat, lowered his gaze and said, “On the first day, he hugged me. Brother, why don’t you say he molested me?”

Su Lixu: “…”

Well, what does a thirty-year-old single man know about these things?

Seeing Su Lixu’s speechless expression, Fu Xingran continued to ask:

“Brother, do you think he fell in love with me at first sight when he hugged me on our first meeting?”

“Brother, after that, he even slept with me. Do you think it’s a hint for the next step?”

“Brother, he comes over with just one phone call. Do you think he cares about me a lot?”

“Brother, when I can’t sleep, he comforts me. Do you think he might like me a bit?”

The barrage of questions overwhelmed Su Lixu. He had never been in a relationship, so how would he know? Besides, he didn’t want to know these details; it felt like they were provoking him.

Finally, unable to bear it, he raised his gaze and glared at Fu Xingran, “Fu Xingran, if you have questions, ask him.”

Fu Xingran, who had never seen Su Lixu angry, found the tone of his voice mixed with embarrassment quite exciting. “Brother, are you jealous?”

Su Lixu was instantly exasperated. Jealous? Jealous of what? He sighed and stood up, “Let’s go eat.”

But behind him, Fu Xingran continued persistently murmuring, “Brother, you’re just jealous,” “Brother, don’t be angry. You’re still important to me.”

Su Lixu thought, please let the person Fu Xingran likes take away this annoying guy.

Perhaps Mr. Fu’s concerns stem from not knowing that his son actually has someone he likes.

There’s already someone who can save Fu Xingran.

He is no longer needed.