Chapter 26: It hurts, it hurts, please be gentle…

“Fu Xingran!” He Shi couldn’t believe what he was witnessing. He grabbed Fu Xingran by the collar and delivered a punch to his face, “Do you know what you’re doing? This is indecent and illegal!”

How could there be such a disrespectful person?

Fu Xingran, caught off guard, took a punch, staggered back a few steps. He looked satisfied, facing He Shi almost roaring. He touched his aching mouth and smiled, turning away, “I know.”

“Why would you still do this?!” He Shi was speechless. The audacity and vulgarity of the words made his scalp tingle. It was hard to imagine his friend, Su Lixu, associating with such a person.

He positioned himself to shield Su Lixu.

“Because I’m sick.” Fu Xingran ignored the pain in his punched mouth, traced his lips with his fingertips, with a playful movement. His gaze, almost obsessive, went straight past He Shi, landing on Su Lixu. Slowly and deliberately, he spoke, “Brother, this is the reward I want. It’s what you promised me. Don’t be angry, okay?”

Facing Fu Xingran’s intrusive gaze, Su Lixu, still feeling the forceful grip on the back of his neck, shuddered at the recent memory. This guy dared to do such things in front of He Shi.

He had underestimated Fu Xingran’s patience.

After enduring for so long, how could this guy possibly behave obediently?

He Shi glanced at Su Lixu and, seeing his unpleasant expression, thought he had been frightened. Now, he felt even more repulsed by Fu Xingran. There was no fondness to begin with, and he completely shielded Su Lixu behind him.

“Fu Xingran, is this your idea of pursuing someone Chasing like a barking dog, capturing like a bandit? Ridiculous! Madman!”

“Ridiculous?” Fu Xingran, witnessing Su Lixu being pulled away, already envious due to He Shi’s presence, felt like a snapped nerve. He stared intently at He Shi, “Why do you mock my affection? What right do you have to mock my feelings? I just like Su Lixu. Don’t take him away; give him back to me.”

Looking at Su Lixu, his eyes slightly shimmered, lips pursed, expressing a nearly fearful emotion. He reached out, “Come here.”

His tone instantly softened.

It wasn’t the arrogance he displayed in front of He Shi, but a pleading tone directed at Su Lixu.

The outstretched hand seemed like a cry for help, urgently needing someone to restrain the turbulent emotions within his body.

Su Lixu bit his lip, forcing himself to quickly calm down. He took a deep breath and whispered to He Shi, “I’m fine. I’ll talk to him now.”

This guy is too crazy.

He’s almost going mad.

He knew it was wrong, but for now, he could only wait for Fu Xingran to calm down before criticizing this mistake. Otherwise, it would be adding fuel to the fire. Even though he knew Fu Xingran wouldn’t harm them, there was a high chance he might hurt himself where he couldn’t see.

“Lixu!” He Shi grabbed Su Lixu’s wrist, “He’s already like this—”

Su Lixu shook his head, “I have a way to make him calm down quickly. It’s okay.” Saying this, he walked up to Fu Xingran, glanced at him lightly, and said, “To your place, let’s talk.”

He let go of Fu Xingran’s hand and walked to the opposite side.

Fu Xingran sensed the displeasure in Su Lixu’s tone but seemed greatly satisfied, at least Su Lixu didn’t ignore him. Before leaving, he glanced at He Shi, a hint of amusement in his eyes, as if showing off to a rival.

He Shi stared at their departing figures with an inscrutable expression.

His hand, hanging by his side, suddenly tightened.

As the door closed, Su Lixu was caught off guard as Fu Xingran pulled him over, looking at him in astonishment, “You… don’t do anything reckless.”

Fu Xingran pulled Su Lixu over, enclosing him by the entrance shoe cabinet, arms on either side, gaze fixed on him, “Don’t you know He Shi likes you? Don’t be alone with him; it’s dangerous.”

In the relatively cramped entrance, two adult men almost filled the space.

Leveraging his height and physique advantage, Fu Xingran completely enveloped Su Lixu, showing no intention of letting go.

Su Lixu couldn’t help but smile, “Aren’t you the most dangerous?”

“It’s different.”

Seeing that Fu Xingran was completely oblivious to his wrongdoing, Su Lixu lowered his gaze, suppressing the anger in his heart, “Step back.”

Fu Xingran sensed Su Lixu’s resistance, furrowed his brows, but still raised his hands in compromise and took a step back, “Like this, okay?”

Su Lixu remained silent, watching as Fu Xingran retreated half a step, “Take two more steps back.”

Fu Xingran took two very small steps back.

“Stand against the wall.” Su Lixu spoke coldly.

Fu Xingran, hearing Su Lixu’s tone, seemed to sense that Su Lixu was genuinely angry. He obediently leaned against the wall, hands raised, and asked, “Is this okay?”

“Hands behind your back.”

Fu Xingran silently placed his hands behind his back, frowning as he looked at Su Lixu, “You’re scolding me again.”

Su Lixu felt the urge to hit someone and laughed, “Say it again? I’m scolding you? How am I scolding you? Fu Xingran, you’re really playing the victim here.”

Fu Xingran rolled his eyes and lowered his head, “…Aren’t you scolding me now?”

“Fu Xingran, can’t I criticize you for doing something wrong?” Su Lixu tried to calm himself a bit. Seeing Fu Xingran looking apologetic again, he sighed, “Can you just randomly kiss me?”

Fu Xingran glanced at him, seeing that Su Lixu was genuinely upset, he shook his head.

“Did you go racing?”

Fu Xingran remained silent.

“Did you? Answer me.”

Perhaps due to Su Lixu’s serious and stern tone, Fu Xingran looked at him with some fear, “Yes.”

“At what speed?”

“200.” Actually, only 20.

Su Lixu widened his eyes, “You dare to go at 200?! Fu Xingran, you’re really risking your life!!”

Fu Xingran had never seen Su Lixu so angry, and he was momentarily stunned. The gentle Dr. Su suddenly became so fierce, “Why are you so fierce now? You’re scaring me.”

Su Lixu understood a bit why Mr. Fu had previously resorted to physical force against Fu Xingran; sometimes, he could be truly outrageous. He took a step forward, raised his hand, and fiercely pinched Fu Xingran’s cheek, “I’m really angry now. You go racing, haggle over it, and then, not only that, you come back and forcibly kiss me in front of He Shi. Are you out of your mind, Fu Xingran? Do I mean nothing to you?”

Fu Xingran let out a painful cry as he grabbed Su Lixu’s hands, “Ouch, ouch, be gentle…”

Inadvertently, he noticed that Su Lixu’s eyes were turning red and suddenly froze.

“You still know pain.” Su Lixu stared at Fu Xingran, lips pursed tightly, jawline tensed, his chest rising and falling as if restraining his emotions. “Do you not realize how others perceive you when you act like this? Do you even care if someone worries about you?! What are you thinking?”

Seeing that Su Lixu was genuinely angry, Fu Xingran cautiously reached out, tugging at his clothing, “Brother, I…”

“Brother? Who’s your brother? Withdraw your hand.” Su Lixu said coldly.

Fu Xingran quickly pulled his hand back behind him, nodding obediently, “I-I’ve withdrawn it.”

In his mind, he silently repeated, ‘I can’t even call him brother now, what should I do, what should I do, what should I do.’

“Did I do something wrong?” Su Lixu, seeing Fu Xingran apologizing so quickly again, thought that the next moment he would acknowledge the mistake and continue making more mistakes. The hand pinching his cheek showed no signs of relenting.

“I was wrong.” Fu Xingran admitted his mistake obediently under Su Lixu’s grip.

“Wrong where?”

“I shouldn’t have gone racing.”

“And what else?”

“I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

“Do you call forcibly kissing me ‘a kiss’? Did I agree to it?”

“You said I’d get a reward when I came back.”

“The reward should be something I give you. How did it become you demanding it?!”

“Because I’m still a bit angry.”

“Why are you angry? You dare to be angry after racing?!”

“I’m angry that He Shi is still at your place, it’s dangerous. And I didn’t go racing just now, I meant last night…”

“Even if you didn’t go racing just now, you did last night, didn’t you? And, He Shi is my longtime friend for many years. We’ve known each other for over a decade. What’s going on in your head!”

“Your head is what’s going on.”

Su Lixu looked at Fu Xingran in silence, feeling a surge of anger that he couldn’t vent. He sighed, wanting to let go of his hand, but Fu Xingran pressed it back onto his face.

“Brother, Dr. Su, I was wrong. I won’t do this again. I won’t go racing, won’t do things without your permission in front of others. Please don’t reject me.”

Fu Xingran tightly held Su Lixu’s hand, his eyes pleading pitifully, “Don’t be angry. If you’re angry, just hit me.

“Don’t reject me. I’ll change everything you said.”

With those words, another round of silence ensued.This made Fu Xingran’s heart tighten. He shook Su Lixu’s hand, trying to get him to speak, “Brother, please don’t ignore me. I’m scared.”

“Fu Xingran, do you believe me?” Su Lixu asked softly.

The two were very close, and because the house had no heating, it was a bit cold. The warmth of their breaths during the conversation could be keenly felt. Because of this sentence, the tense air in the entrance seemed to be infused with gentleness.

Fu Xingran was momentarily stunned.

“If you trust me, hand over your emotions to me. I’ll help you manage them. Can you do that?” Su Lixu continued to hold Fu Xingran’s hand, pinching his earlobes, gazing at him. “Start thinking now and give me an answer. Can you?”

Understanding Fu Xingran’s unease and the panic of always thinking he would be abandoned, all of Fu Xingran’s current actions were because of him. Therefore, only he could calm Fu Xingran’s emotions, followed by considering the treatment.

Fu Xingran’s current state made him somewhat fearful because it was too similar to the later stages of Su Lixu.

He couldn’t bear to lose another person around him.

The earlobe-pinching gesture undoubtedly completely disarmed Fu Xingran.

Fu Xingran leaned forward slightly, wanting to hug Su Lixu, but then he remembered what Su Lixu had said before. He hesitated, and the raised hands quietly fell back down. “How can I give you my emotions? I can’t even control myself. I might say I’ll change, but sometimes I can’t control myself.”

“So, you’ve always known about your condition, right?” Su Lixu, hearing Fu Xingran say this, dared to bring it up. Mental illness often requires patients to become aware of it, seek help, and then reach out. Reaching out abruptly might have certain impacts on a sensitive inner world.

“If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t want to see other doctors.” Fu Xingran felt too comfortable being pinched and wanted to raise his hand to hug Su Lixu again, but he suddenly remembered Su Lixu’s instruction to clench his fists.

“Do you want to see a doctor?” Su Lixu glanced down, sensing Fu Xingran’s fist-clenching movement.

“I only want you.”

Su Lixu shook his head, “Xingran, you’re the one who broke our relationship. Now, our relationship is not suitable for doctor-patient relations. Treatment is treatment. If other emotions get involved, it’s not allowed. So, you can only choose to believe in either Su Lixu or Dr. Su.”

“I choose Su Lixu.” Fu Xingran answered without hesitation.

“Then keep looking at me.” Su Lixu let go of his hand, looking up at him. “Look at me when you’re angry, unsure, or whenever you feel something is wrong. Can you do that?”

Fu Xingran nodded.

“So, your behavior just now was wrong towards me, towards Professor He, and also towards yourself. Expressing your anger recklessly, resorting to self-harm to make those who care about you worry and fear is wrong. If you don’t love yourself, no one in this world will want to love you repeatedly.”

Fu Xingran’s eyes flickered slightly, and the words he wanted to say suddenly choked in his throat.

—If you don’t love yourself, no one in this world will want to love you repeatedly.

He didn’t want that.

“I understand. I’ll love myself, but I want you to love me more.” Fu Xingran looked pitifully at Su Lixu. “If I change, can you love me? Don’t like anyone else.”

Su Lixu thought about what he had done to make Fu Xingran so concerned. Helpless, but also without a solution, he said, “We’ll talk about it later. Also, don’t speak recklessly in the future. Professor He and I are good friends, understood?”

“Yeah, just good friends. I understand.” Fu Xingran nodded obediently, then leaned towards Su Lixu again. “Can I hug you now? I won’t get angry anymore. Can I hug you now?”

Looking at Fu Xingran’s appearance, Su Lixu couldn’t understand why his heart softened unconditionally towards Fu Xingran. He also wanted to figure out why this had happened.

“Yeah.”

As soon as the words were spoken, Fu Xingran was embraced by Fu Xingran.

The once slender youth has grown up, his chest is broad and strong, exuding a sense of security. However, within this sturdy physique lies a profound unease.

Fu Xingran rests his chin on Su Lixu’s shoulder, arms tightly wrapped around him, as if trying to merge the person into his embrace. “Brother, I shouldn’t have forcibly kissed you, but I couldn’t help feeling jealous of you and He Shi.”

Su Lixu turns his head slightly. “Fu Xingran, you promised to trust me. From now on, don’t harbor any doubts about me, understand?”

“I understand.”

Facing Su Lixu’s eyes so close, truly beautiful, like glass marbles.

He thinks to himself, this time he really understands.

Only when they are embraced can they truly understand each other.

Fu Xingran cups Su Lixu’s cheek and softly says, “I’m sorry, I won’t scare you in the future. I’ll listen to what you say. This is the last time, I promise.”

As the words fall, he presses his lips on the recently touched corner of the eye.

Su Lixu’s body freezes, eyelashes trembling lightly. This kiss feels scalding, shaking his rationality.

Why is this happening?

How can something so irrational occur? Aside from close family, why can he be so indulgent with someone else, getting angry with him but then reluctant to let go?

“I’ll try to become better, try to pursue you. Don’t look at others, don’t look at He Shi. Just look at me, okay?”

In the not-so-spacious entrance, the two press their foreheads together, embracing each other, creating an illusion of a couple in the midst of passionate love.

Only they know that this is still a process of mutual balance.

Su Lixu lifts his gaze, colliding with Fu Xingran’s fervent and sincere eyes. In this moment, his rationality, his determination, seem to be telling him that something is about to happen.