Chapter 48: Sink, before the sun rises

The card thrust into his hand felt a bit hot, as if he had been given permission. He didn’t have to restrain himself anymore; he had restrained himself long enough.

Not to mention this sentence:

—Do whatever you want, it’s up to you.

Fu Xingran met Su Lixu’s gaze, his eyes gradually deepening. His Adam’s apple bobbed, “Don’t you think I’m asking for too much?”

Su Lixu was amused, “When did I say that?”

“You said you wanted to take me to see a doctor.” Fu Xingran thought he had been holding back for two weeks, and it turned out he had overestimated? No way, he had to make up for it.

“Last time I said I wanted to take you for a check-up, to have the system treat your condition for the sake of our future. It just happened that the incident in the office occurred, so I mentioned it. It wasn’t just about your behavior in the office.” Su Lixu saw this guy fidgeting restlessly, “Are you going to the gym in the middle of the night too?”

Fu Xingran stared at Su Lixu, thinking Su Lixu thought he was asking for too much, even finding it unbearable sometimes in the office. He even went to consult He Shi to see if his situation was normal and to help him shift his focus.

If it wasn’t for the uncomfortable feeling of being restless with Su Lixu in his arms, would he really go to the gym in the middle of the night?

It was crazy.

But there was some truth to it, as He Shi said, his condition might indeed demand too much from a partner to gain a greater sense of psychological security, but he should also understand that what he could bear, Su Lixu might not.

Perhaps it would be better after some time.

“I’m afraid of hurting you too much.” Fu Xingran held Su Lixu’s hand, interlocking their fingers. He had been afraid of losing control during this time, even enduring such intimacy.

Even if he could indulge immediately, he was afraid of hurting Su Lixu.

“Then listen to me.” Su Lixu raised his head to kiss Fu Xingran on the lips, gazing at him with gentle eyes. “Do as I say, stop when I say stop, okay?”

Before they even got together, Su Lixu had told Fu Xingran that if he felt unable to control himself, he could entrust his emotions to him, no matter what emotions they were, including desire. Fu Xingran’s willingness to take a step back was a sign of respect and care for him. He knew Fu Xingran wouldn’t want to hurt him; this guy had kissed the scar from four years ago countless times in remorse.

He also knew that it was the illness that brought about Fu Xingran’s restlessness and impulsiveness.

And now, if Fu Xingran was willing to restrain himself for him, he naturally would be willing to change, to provide an equal sense of security. The changes he made weren’t a compromise; he had made up his mind when he chose to be with Fu Xingran.

No matter how difficult the road ahead was, no matter how hard it was to cure borderline personality disorder, he wouldn’t give up on Fu Xingran.

In Fu Xingran’s mind, the scene from that day in the studio resurfaced, with Su Lixu pressing his hand against his knee, looking down at him, their eyes meeting like sparks: “Okay.”

“Then let’s go our separate ways for now.” Su Lixu smiled.

Fu Xingran’s expression immediately darkened, “Why? Aren’t we going—” He subconsciously tightened his grip on Su Lixu’s hand.

“This is my first time inviting you out. Can’t there be a little ceremony?” Su Lixu looked at Fu Xingran, who was dressed in a black sports outfit today, as if he had just thought of something. “You don’t need to change clothes; I’ll change.”

The phrase ‘change clothes’ seemed to touch a nerve in Fu Xingran, making him restless: “Change what clothes?”

Could there be a surprise?

“I’ll change into new clothes and spray on your favorite perfume,” Su Lixu said, picking up the card from Fu Xingran’s hand, smiling at him as he tucked the card into his pocket. “See you tonight at seven.”

The casual movement of brushing his hand back, the action of putting the card in his pocket, and even this sentence made Fu Xingran breathless, his mind racing.

This anticipation was no less than the night he had decided to confess his feelings to Su Lixu on his birthday.

At that time, he was possessed by a kind of madness, thinking that if Su Lixu rejected him, he would force him.

But later, this man not only didn’t criticize him but slowly led him away from the brink of almost derailing, guiding him back to sanity. And after they got together, he even returned everything Fu Xingran had done, one by one.

Each time nearly cost him his life.

So tonight, what would happen?

Was it worth looking forward to?

Su Lixu seemed to see through Fu Xingran’s questioning gaze and laughed, “You can look forward to it.”

Fu Xingran felt like the card in his pocket was burning, glanced at his watch, four hours until seven tonight, then his gift should be ready too.

“I’m looking forward to it.”

They exchanged smiles.

Pushing open the door to the wardrobe, Su Lixu walked to the closet where he kept his suits, took out the first suit he had ever bought in his life, a complete set with a shirt clip.

He took off his casual clothes and put on the suit.

The shirt clip had many functions. Besides keeping the shirt in place, clever people would assign it more functions according to their needs, multitasking with one item.

In front of the full-length mirror, Su Lixu put on the shirt, straightened the hem of the white shirt, then put on suspenders, clipping the shirt corners and socks at the top and bottom respectively, the black shirt clip at the thigh creating a sharp contrast with his cold white skin.

Finally, he put on the neatly ironed suit.

The mirror reflected a man with a indifferent expression, the cold restraint exuded by the suit and the secrets hidden beneath it would all be a surprise to Fu Xingran.

“Fu Xingran, you mustn’t disappoint me.” He took out a ring box from his pocket, revealing a pair of somewhat aged rings inside.

Just his parents’ rings.

For him, preserving them for his own beloved had a different meaning.

The door to the wardrobe closed slowly, the room plunging into darkness.

Lofty Private Cinema was located in the Lofty International Hotel, a room that only VIP guests of the hotel could reserve.

Fu Xingran arrived at the hotel first, carrying two bags, and walked into the lobby confidently.

The hotel manager spotted Fu Xingran not far away and immediately approached with a smile. “Good evening, Mr. Fu. The presidential suite on the top floor has been prepared according to your request. Is there anything else you need?”

Fu Xingran waved a hand, gesturing the manager to come closer.

The manager immediately approached.

A romantic arrangement of about a minute or so, even precise to the minute, was firmly remembered by the manager.

“Remember, on the dot at midnight,” Fu Xingran said earnestly.

The manager nodded quickly, “I won’t forget, rest assured, Mr. Fu.”

Fu Xingran’s lips curved slightly, feeling relieved, then he went up to room 1314 to wait for Su Lixu’s arrival.

Nightfall descended slowly, the intoxicated deep blue hidden behind dark clouds, awaiting a night of chaotic surrender.

Knock, knock, knock—

The door to 1314 was knocked, and Fu Xingran, who had just done dozens of push-ups out of nervousness, stood up abruptly. He was panting, thin sweat sliding down his cheeks as he stared at the door being knocked.

“Baby, it’s me.”

The clear but slightly hoarse voice sounded from outside the door, causing Fu Xingran’s already excited heartbeat to accelerate again. Uncontrollable fantasies ran wild in his mind about what surprises his Su Lixu would bring him.

Taking a deep breath to calm his heartbeat, he walked towards the door.

As the door opened, their eyes met. The fragrance of August osmanthus and the well-dressed appearance hit him first, followed by the hot breath mingled with hormones. Su Lixu looked at Fu Xingran wearing only a thin white T-shirt. The smoothly outlined muscles, soaked with sweat, were clearly visible even through the wet clothes. His breath rate was even captured, and Su Lixu’s gaze moved up to the sweat on Fu Xingran’s jawline.

“So restless?”

Outside the room, Fu Xingran stared at Su Lixu, who was wearing a black suit. His already excited mood was instantly pushed to its peak by this formal attire. The combination of cold white skin and pure black nearly made his heart jump out of his chest.

Reaching out, he pulled Su Lixu inside.

The door closed with a bang, and Fu Xingran pressed Su Lixu against it.

“Fu Xingran, you’re sweating a lot,” Su Lixu reached out to wipe the sweat off Fu Xingran’s cheek. “Is it too hot?”

The man’s gentle and smiling voice sounded in his ear, and the suppressed desire of the past half-month began to grow uncontrollably.

Fu Xingran held Su Lixu’s hand, intertwining their fingers, raised their hands and pressed them against Su Lixu’s head, gently leaning against the door. He leaned forward slowly, allowing the sweat to trickle down his forehead and cheeks, his breath becoming heavy, and his gaze turning fiery.

“I just did a hundred push-ups.”

“Why?” Su Lixu leaned forward too.

There was only a finger’s distance between their lips.

The lowered voices screamed with reason.

“Because I miss you.” Fu Xingran tried hard to maintain that one finger’s distance.

“But I’m here now, aren’t I?” Su Lixu lowered his gaze and smiled.

The orange light fell on their heads, outlining their faces close together, and the hands tightly clasped against the door.

“Dr. Su, you suddenly dressed so formally, it makes me nervous.”

The three words ‘Dr. Su’ quietly fermented, and the ‘bang’ in Su Lixu’s mind exploded with embarrassment, and he met Fu Xingran’s somewhat teasing gaze.

Fu Xingran laughed again, “No, it’s Mr. Su, Mr. Su, you dressed so formally, I’m so nervous.”

In such an atmosphere, the professional intimacy in their address added a different flavor.

Su Lixu pulled Fu Xingran’s sweaty shirt close, pulling him in, interrupting the one-finger distance, and kissed him.

Fu Xingran was stunned at first, but just as he wanted to continue, Su Lixu let go of him.

“Fu, my suit has a shirt clip underneath.” Su Lixu loosened Fu Xingran’s collar, stepped back with a smile.

Fu Xingran’s eyes changed instantly, like a wolf ready to pounce.

“It’s still early, shall we watch a movie?” Su Lixu smiled and asked, “What do you think?”

Fu Xingran: “…”

Being outsmarted, very well.

This man’s skills were becoming more and more adept.

On the screen, “Farewell My Concubine” was playing. In the dressing room, Cheng Dieyi was holding his senior brother, Duan Xiaolou, in tears, saying that most famous line:

“No, it’s said for a lifetime, missing by a year, a month, a day, or even an hour, it’s not considered a lifetime!”

In the movie, Cheng Dieyi burned like a flame, his obsession with love and passion for drama completely merged inside and outside the stage. It was his intense emotions, whether sentimental or passionate, that possessed a scorching intensity that penetrated the screen.

It weighed heavily on the hearts of every viewer.

Yet, such vividly painted characters ultimately met tragic ends, dressed in beloved costumes, playing their favorite roles, and dying on the stage they loved so much.

The curtain fell.

On the sofa, hands lay clasped tightly at their sides.

Su Lixu leaned back on the sofa, staring at the screen showing the cast list. “I once thought you were very much like Cheng Dieyi. Your straightforward and passionate emotions are like a flame, burning anyone who comes near you.”

“I’ve done foolish things,” Fu Xingran turned to look at Su Lixu affectionately.

“But you have an unexpected level of self-control,” Su Lixu also looked at Fu Xingran, with ripples in his eyes.

Fu Xingran responded, “Because I love you too much, I haven’t obtained you yet, I can’t bear to lose you, so I must stay alive to wait for you.”

“And you’ve waited,” Su Lixu leaned closer, resting his forehead against Fu Xingran’s, his eyes slightly warm. “Fu Xingran, you’re really… so brave.”

To maintain composure and focus in the face of nearly losing control of one’s emotions, to restrain and endure, to wait and hope, it takes such a strong willpower to resist oneself when emotions are already in turmoil.

“Baby, I have something to show you.”

Fu Xingran released Su Lixu and took out a piece of paper from his pocket, handing it to Su Lixu.

“What is it?” Su Lixu took the paper and unfolded it. It was a report on the first stage of dialectical behavior therapy, and as he read further down, he was surprised by the results.

“This is the diagnosis Professor He gave me after you went on your business trip last time and I went to see him. He said I was doing very well.”

As Su Lixu looked at the stable values of emotional management, stress tolerance, and self-acceptance on the report, he choked up for a moment, pressing the paper to his chest and taking a deep breath.

After calming down, he folded the report neatly and then sat in Fu Xingran’s arms, holding his face. “Baby, you’re amazing. This is the best birthday present I could ask for.”

In dialectical behavior therapy, stable numerical changes signify improvement in the situation, and the more stable they are, the more stable Fu Xingran’s self-control is.

Indeed, Fu Xingran’s recent performance has been very good.So, while this result was expected by him, it was still very surprising.

“Really? Is this enough for you?” Fu Xingran supported Su Lixu’s legs, feeling the touch of the shirt clamp under his palm, his gaze deepening. “After watching the movie, should we go back to the room?”

“Back to the room?”

The next second, Su Lixu exclaimed and hugged Fu Xingran’s neck because Fu Xingran lifted him up.

“I booked the top presidential suite,” Fu Xingran looked up at Su Lixu. “You said tonight deserves an open heart, so let’s overlook the bustling night scene and open our hearts.”

The top presidential suite—

The room was not lit, and the vibrant neon lights outside the floor-to-ceiling windows faintly outlined the figures of the two people in front of the window.

And the hand pressed against the floor-to-ceiling window left a foggy trace due to the damp palm.

Perhaps due to weakness, the hand slipped, and in that moment, the knuckles behind were clasped by the person behind.

“Baby, it’s really high here, right?”

“…Yeah, so no one can see.”

“Su Lixu.”

“Fu Xingran.”

The two of them looked down at the bustling city together. They began to feel intoxicated yet clear about where they were sinking. Their hearts leaped in their chests, and thoughts of intimacy grew wildly in the intoxicated night.

Each other’s names were like imprints on their souls. Calling them once was warm for decades.

*Boom*

—The next second, outside the floor-to-ceiling window, dazzling fireworks instantly illuminated the night sky, like falling stars in their eyes.

Su Lixu’s body stiffened. He leaned against the window, staring incredulously at the fireworks that suddenly appeared, and after the fireworks burst, they evolved into several words in the air:

“Su Lixu, the most correct thing I’ve done in my life is to live for you and then love you with all my might.”

Dozens of fireworks bloomed in the air, completely lighting up the night sky.

“Su Lixu, I, Fu Xingran, will love you forever.”

Su Lixu hadn’t fully recovered from the surprise when he felt a coolness on his ring finger. He lowered his head in astonishment, only to see a simple ring slipping onto his ring finger.

“Baby, happy birthday, I love you,” Fu Xingran whispered affectionately into Su Lixu’s ear. “I will always, always, always love you. Thank you for accepting me as I am.”

Su Lixu glanced sideways at Fu Xingran. “Actually, I have a ring too.”

Fu Xingran’s face lit up with surprise. “Such a telepathic connection?”

“But it’s my parents’, probably not suitable for our sizes, but it can be made into a necklace. I think it’s very meaningful, so I wanted to give it to you,” Su Lixu looked down at the brand new ring on his ring finger, completely fitting. “How did you know my ring size?”

“I know all your measurements, let alone your ring size,” Fu Xingran laughed. “What about your ring? Take it out, let me see.”

Su Lixu glanced at him, then lifted his chin to gesture, “Your clothes are all thrown at the door, go pick them up yourself.”

“Mm~~ Baby,” Fu Xingran hugged Su Lixu contentedly, “So, shall we continue?”

“Mm.”

Deep love it, before the moon sets.

Sink into it, before the sunrise.

This romantic debate, about your greedy possession, love should be passionate and unwavering until death.