After I made sure the three of them were sleeping in the blacksmith workshop, I was all alone with my thoughts. Ash was on my feet, the sound of his breathing indicated how deeply asleep he was. Technically it was me and one animal but I was the only one deep in thought.
Humans are such a contradictory creature.
Since a long time ago, I often had the sudden urge of wanting to be alone. When I was still a student, I’d suddenly cancel the contract for my mobile phone and cut contact with everyone on the pretense of studying for an exam. But, I still longed for the company of others and so, I resumed the contract for my mobile phone again.
About my social media too. There were times when I’d suddenly get sick of all human relations and deleted my social media account. But still, I longed for the company of others and so, the motion was repeated over and over again.
The same could be said about my decision to retreat to Hokkaido and become a farmer. I was sick of having to smile and seeing that fake smile that was typical of a trading company employee. At that time, I decided I didn’t want to have anything to do with other people ever again.
I tried to become self-sufficient and cut all contact with other people. Coming to this place with a mysterious blue moon didn’t change my basic principle. Even at the risk of my own safety, I refused to move into the town of Resta.
Aside from the minimum interaction necessary for my survival, I thought I wouldn’t have any relations with another person. When I first came to this world, Margo, Juno and Sarasa were categorized as ‘necessary interaction for my survival’ in my mind. The same could be said about Dan, Kai-sensei and the old man at the disassembly shop.
Thanks to the language barrier, strangely enough I didn’t have any unpleasant feelings toward them. Instead, I felt like they were kind people even. But… If I were to put them in a category, they were still in the ‘necessary interaction for my survival’. Now that I looked back into it, it was such a terrible thought on my side.
However, that thing that always came to my mind was still there. Unconsciously, I longed for heart to heart connection with these three loveable idiots. I found something beautiful that made me peel off my fake smile.
I hoped I wouldn’t suddenly have the sudden urge to become alone again. I hoped this relationship with the comfortable emotional distance I had with the three of them could continue on.
I was terrified of the contradiction in my mind. Like suddenly canceling the contract for my mobile phone, deleting my social media account, suddenly cutting contact with all of my business relationships.
How could I say for sure that the day where I suddenly wanted to cut contact with the three of them wouldn’t come? Those thoughts became a thorn in my heart and I couldn’t get rid of it.
My thoughts were going round and round in circles and I couldn’t stop it. It seemed the morning would come just like this.
I slowly got out of my bed and decided to have a warm cup of marble herbal tea to relax. I could hear the loud noise of the orchestra conducted by those two from the blacksmith workshop and couldn’t stop myself from giggling. It made me feel silly for worrying about those thoughts.
After I finished drinking my herbal tea, this time I was able to go into a deep sleep.
T/N: So this is why the author insisted on keeping the language barrier. It is a crucial part of our MC’s emotional development.