Chapter 73: Lin Ran is the one who he should be feel guilty about

Lin Mu’s hand clenched slightly, at this point, he also didn’t know what he should be saying and froze for a moment. He then tried to pretend that he didn’t heard anything just now, “Song, Song Zhi Xu, Ran Ran said he was sleepy and wanted to see you, so why don’t you go in and see him then.”

Probably because he hadn’t slept enough this morning, Lin Ran had just yawned and asked while rubbing his eyes, “Where’s Song Zhi Xu?” 

Lin Mu didn’t let Lin Ran out before so he then came out to look for Song Zhi Xu by himself. 

He didn’t expect to hear those kinds of words.

Song Zhi Xu nodded slightly. Lin Mu immediately wanted to turn around and go back but when he had just taken one step, he was called by Song Zhi Xu. He paused a moment before he looked back again.

After some thought, Song Zhi Xu still said seriously, “Lin Mu, let’s talk later.”

Lin Mu was Lin Ran’s elder brother, and Song Zhi Xu knew that it was impossible to avoid Lin Mu if he wanted to be with Lin Ran. If Lin Mu hadn’t heard what he had just said, it would have been fine and he could pretend that nothing had happened in the past, but now that Lin Mu had heard it, Song Zhi Xu felt that he still needed to talk to him clearly about it. 

If he didn’t say it clearly, the past would be buried in his heart and would only make their future meetings awkward.

Lin Mu nodded his head and did not refuse, since Song Zhi Xu had taken the initiative to talk to him, he naturally would not refuse.

Song Zhi Xu looked sideways at Mu Qingting, who was feeling guilty all the way and didn’t dare to speak.

“Don’t go yet, accompany Lin Mu for a while. I’ll go and coax Ran Ran to sleep.”

Naturally, Mu Qingting nodded his head without even thinking about it.

Only then, did Song Zhi Xu walk into the room.

Lin Ran had been sitting on the sofa waiting, his eyes were overflowing with tears after yawning. He was rubbing his eyes which were filled with tears. As soon as he saw Song Zhi Xu, he immediately revealed a smile, he stretched out his hands to let Song Zhi Xu hug him. Song Zhi Xu smiled lightly as he walked over to take him into his arms, Lin Ran rubbed against him in his embrace, only then he said in a small voice, 

“Song Zhi Xu, Ran Ran sleepy.”

He didn’t sleep early last night, and after he fell asleep he was taken out of the bed by Song Zhi Xu to pick up Lin Mu in the airport. In the morning, because the place he slept was not the smell he was familiar with, he woke up as soon as Song Zhi Xu woke up. He didn’t sleep enough at all so this time, he was sleepy again after eating.

Song Zhi Xu gave him a kiss on the forehead, then carried him into the room and put him on the bed, pulling the quilt to cover them together, “Ran Ran, if you’re sleepy, go to sleep, I’ll stay here with you.”

Lin Ran replied with, ‘Hn.’ before then nodded his head and yawned again, a physiological tear percolating from his eyes as he closed his eyes to sleep.

Song Zhi Xu watched and stretched out his hands to gently rub away his tears with the center of his thumb, and gently stroked his back, letting him sleep peacefully. 

In the hallway, Lin Mu and Mu Qingting stood together, the two of them were a little awkward for a moment.

After the barrel broke, Mu Qingting didn’t know how to take initiative to start a conversation, at the same time, Lin Mu also didn’t know what to say either.

The two were silent for a long time. In the end, it was Lin Mu who spoke first, explaining in a low voice, 

“I was the one who started to make this morning’s breakfast so it wasn’t Song Zhi Xu who wanted to make fried eggs. I’m just used to making fried eggs, so…so that’s why I made them. I didn’t know that Song Zhi Xu and Ran Ran wanted to eat boiled eggs this morning.”

This morning, he was the first one who entered the kitchen, therefore when Song Zhi Xu arrived in the kitchen, he had already fried one, so Song Zhi Xu went along and fried the rest. 

Lin Ran was not a picky eater, whatever was given to him, he ate it, so Lin Mu didn’t know that Lin Ran liked boiled eggs. When Lin Ran was still at the old Lin family home, he also took Lin Ran to eat fried eggs.

Mu Qingting did not expect it to be like this. His face showed a few moments of embarrassment as he felt sorry about it, so after a while, he then sighed, 

“It’s my fault for bringing this up again, I just thought that since little Ran Ran was pregnant so old Song couldn’t do such a thing, so… I shouldn’t have mentioned this.”

Mu Qingting now also had some remorse, if he hadn’t brought this matter up maybe this matter would have just passed like that. 

After all, back then Song Zhi Xu’s feeling, no one but him was the only one who knew. Now since Song Zhi Xu was with Lin Ran, it was good that this past matter was forgotten. Lin Mu looked at him and lowered his head without speaking.

He didn’t know whether it was better to say it out clearly or just to pretend that nothing had happened, but he did know that he never thought of Song Zhi Xu as anything other than a friend.

The two stood outside for a little longer, therefore after Song Zhi Xu had coaxed Lin Ran to sleep and came out of the bedroom, he unexpectedly found that the two men had been standing in the corridor. He called the two inside and poured water before sitting on the sofa. Song Zhi Xu looked at Lin Mu and then at Mu Qingting before finally saying, “I think it’s better to talk about what happened before, after all, we still have to see each other often in the future, to avoid it being kept in our hearts and turning into a problem or misunderstanding.”

Mu Qingting followed, nodded his head also.

Song Zhi Xu turned to Lin Mu and after a moment of consideration then he said,

“Lin Mu, our families are old family friends. I visited your home when I was a teenager and I fell into the water. In a panic, I pulled you into the water when you tried to save me and made you very ill. I always remember that.” He pursed his lips and went on to say, “So when I saw you at Jing Da University, I paid extra attention to you and I always wanted to apologize to you but you didn’t seem to want to bring this part up, so I never said anything. Now I’d like to earnestly say I’m sorry.”

Lin Mu’s body trembled for a moment, his face immediately turned pale, and his eyes showed some surprise as he lowered his head, not speaking. 

Mu Qingting also showed he ‘didn’t expect it’ expression. 

“There’s still this part? No wonder, you would often drag me to see him but not to get close.” Mu Qingting still understand Song Zhi Xu. He probably wanted to say it yet he didn’t know how to bring it up. Mu Qingting reacted with a jolt, “So it was turning from guilt to like?”

Song Zhi Xu was a bit helpless and said in a low voice, “It couldn’t be considered as like, I just feel a bit guilty because of what happened when I was a child. Since he is alone in the capital, I just want to take care of him.”

“Is that so?” Mu Qingting nodded, as if that was indeed how it should be. He was just about to continue talking when he noticed that something was wrong with Lin Mu so he asked, “Lin Mu, what is wrong with you?”

Lin Mu shook his head, his hand clenched tightly, and only after a moment, it was as if he had finally gathered the courage to speak.

“I did fall into the water, I also indeed did get very sick, but I didn’t save you. Because Ran Ran fell into the water so I wanted to save him, but I was too weak, I couldn’t pull him, I… there was nothing I could do.”

The past that he had been reluctant to bring up for more than ten years was violently revealed by Song Zhi Xu. Lin Mu’s heart ached very much with guilt. If he had watched out for Ran Ran properly, then Lin Ran would not have fallen into the water, he would not have become a fool, and he also would not have been sent abroad.

Song Zhi Xu stopped his breathing and his body stiffened as he said, “You, what did you say?”

“Fourteen years ago, on the 23rd of February, I took Ran Ran to play in the garden, when I went back to the room to get something, Ran Ran then suddenly disappeared. I heard the sound of water pounding in the pond, so I went over and saw that Ran Ran had fallen into the water. I jumped down and tried to save him, but I couldn’t pull him out. After I was rescued I became very ill, I slept in a daze for a few days. When I woke up, Ran Ran was already sent away. The time I saw him again, he didn’t remember anything anymore and became what he is right now.”

Lin Mu’s gaze was a little hollow, the guilt that had been weighing on his heart for more than ten years was finally out and said by him. 

Song Zhi Xu also froze in the same place, not speaking.

He remembered that on the 23rd of February, he fell into the water, and after he was rescued he was well and nothing was wrong, yet before he left he went to see Lin Mu who was sick and had not yet woken up.

“What’s going on? You two have two different stories, huh?” Mu Qingting listened and he was puzzled by it, the start of the story was not the same, the end however was not the same too. He carefully sorted it out before saying, “If you guys remember it all right, then would it be that old Song is the one who made or pulled Lin Ran into the water, after that, Lin Mu also went to save Lin Ran and jumped into the water?”

It seemed like there was someone missing from the story that both of them told, it was the only way it made sense.

When Mu Qingting finished speaking, Song Zhi Xu immediately stood up, striding into the bedroom and standing by the bed looking at Lin Ran who was on the bed.

If the person he had pulled into the water that day was really Lin Ran, then Lin Ran, in this state right now was because of him, Lin Ran had been sent abroad and bullied for so many years; it was all because of him.

Lin Ran was the person he should feel guilty about, and there was no way to make up for it. 

Lin Mu walked to the door of the room, he then saw Song Zhi Xu inside, slowly bending down and reaching out to touch Lin Ran’s cheek. He stopped in his steps and did not go further in.

He now understood what had happened back then, he had been too anxious about Ran Ran and did not notice that there were others at all, so Ran Ran had been pulled into the water by Song Zhi Xu.

Mu Qingting sighed and said in a low voice, “Let him stay inside with Lin Ran for a while ba.”

Mu Qingting reached over and closed the door, giving the room and time for the two of them. 

The room was closed with thick curtains and the light was dim. Song Zhi Xu sat down beside the bed and stared blankly at Lin Ran, didn’t move at all. 

Not knowing how long it had passed and it was only when Song Zhi Xu’s body was a little stiff that Lin Ran on the bed moved and slowly opened his eyes, seeing the dark figure on the side of the bed, he first froze for a moment, but after sensing that it was Song Zhi Xu, he immediately showing a smile. Lin Ran sat up from the bed as he took the initiative to hug Song Zhi Xu, relaxing his body and leaning lazily into his arms, gently rubbing against him before calling out in a small voice; “Song Zhi Xu.”

After waiting for a while, Song Zhi Xu did not say anything. Lin Ran raised his head to look at him again, the room was a bit dark, he could not see the expression on Song Zhi Xu’s face, but he still felt that Song Zhi Xu seemed to be unhappy.

“Song Zhi Xu, are you sad?” Lin Ran’s voice was soft, with the hoarseness of having just woken up from a nap, and carefully as he said it. 

“Ran Ran.” Song Zhi Xu’s voice was even more hoarse, as if he hadn’t drunk any water for a long time and his throat was a little dry, but he still managed to make a sound with difficulty.

“Hn, Ran Ran’s here. Song Zhi Xu, what’s wrong?” Lin Ran worriedly propped himself up, wanting to get closer to Song Zhi Xu’s face to see the expression on his face but when he had just moved a little, he was suddenly hugged tightly by Song Zhi Xu. Song Zhi Xu’s chin buried in the side of his neck and it didn’t take long for Lin Ran to feel a warm liquid flowing down his neck and into his collar. Song Zhi Xu’s voice was hoarse with a hint of trembling as he said to him, “I’m sorry.”