“I wouldn’t be able to give Wakaba a burning love. I’ve already given those feelings to my wife, and Wakaba won’t be able to look at me like that. But I love Wakaba with feelings other than romantic love.”
I understand what he meant. I can’t see Raizo-san as Ren either, but he’s a special person to me, different from my mother, father and the twins.
I think the words ‘dearly loved’ and ‘respected’ are close to describing it.
I’m not in love with him, but he’s very important to me.
It is difficult to imagine a future with Raizo-san, who has supported me since junior high school, as a married couple, but it is easier to imagine us as life partners.
My title will only change from being ‘my friend’s child, Wakaba’ to ‘my spouse, Wakaba’ and nothing else will change in our relationship.
But when it comes to having children, it’s a different story; I can’t imagine having sexual intercourse with Raizo-san at all.
“What about the heir? Can Raizo-san do it with me? I mean, I’m talking about something like having a child.”
“Do you want to try it?”
Raizo-san’s smirking words made my voice sound a little silly.
“I’ll be gentle with you.”
So, you can do it. Eh, you know, I’m will be your partner, right?
I fully understood that Raizo-san loves me, but the meaning of love was different than that of lovers.
“I told you before; a man’s rut is a simple thing. Even if you don’t feel pheromones, you can still get an erection when you’re aroused, and you can ejaculate when you insert yourself and swing your hips.
I know it sounds like I’m breaking your dreams, but it’s only the pheromones that respond only to your pair, you can in fact hold whoever you’re with, if your body is ready for it.
Of course you can get pregnant without relying on pheromones, if you know when you are ovulating and have planned sex.
Well, the probability of getting pregnant seems to be lower than with a pair. That’s why there was all this talk from your relatives about your mother getting a mistress, or leaving your father and getting a second wife.”
It is true that if you can only get an erection following the first bite on your pair’s neck, there would be no such thing as a mistress or a second wife in the world, would there?
The reason why there are always neon signs of sex shops in every city is because there is a demand for them.
“Oops, don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I think it’s going to be easy for me to hold Wakaba. If you’re talking about whether I can or can’t hold you, I just wanted to emphasize that I can hold you because I haven’t lost my function as a man, you know?
Assuming Wakaba and I get married, if you don’t want to be held by me, we can find another way, such as in vitro fertilization, or if you don’t want an artificial pregnancy, you can take your time and wait for your feelings and environment to become more suitable.
Let’s both look for the best way for Wakaba.
No, it’s too early to even think about it. I mean, let’s talk about it if it happens, so we can have this discussion when we’re actually married.”
Raizo-san added with an unusually serious and impatient look on his face. He ruffled his hair and looked a little pitiful.
It’s okay, I know. Raizo-san is thinking hard for me.
“There’s no need to decide right now. I’m just suggesting an option.
For example, if Wakaba finds someone else he wants to marry and after actually marrying him, you decide that it was not a good idea after all, you can choose another path.
So remember that this option is right next to you at all times.”
The path leading to a future with Raizo-san, who suddenly appeared beside me when I was struggling to move forward, was brighter and flatter than other paths, and I could be sure that if I chose this path, I would be able to spend peaceful days.
But even though Raizo-san offered me such good conditions, I still couldn’t make up my mind.
When I close my eyes, I see Ren’s profile floating in the air.
The face of despair I saw on my wedding day puts a stop to my attempts to choose the easy way out.
I just need a little more time, a little more time. I’m no longer sure if this feeling is guilt towards Ren or my unresolved feelings, but I just want more time to think about it now.
“Thank you, Raizo-san. May I have some time to think about it?”
“As much as you need. You can ponder and think about it as much as you want.
Don’t regret the path you chose in the end, lest you end up being complacent.
Wakaba is only 25 years old. You are still too young to give up on any possibilities. Even your fated pair, you might meet them in the future, or they might meet you and realize you’re the one for them.
In my case, I was lucky enough to meet her, but most of the guys in the world don’t even meet their destined person and choose someone else.
If you’re waiting for your fated pair, don’t get too worked up, and don’t take it too seriously.”
Raizo-san, the truth is, we’ve already met.
He has rejected me before even knowing me. For him, the ‘the fated pair’ is a horrifyingly repulsive thing.
If I whine and be spoiled like that, Raizo-san will surely comfort me gently. Swallowing the temptation to be pampered, I choked back the bitterness in the back of my throat.
I went back to my house where I lived alone and sank down on the sofa without turning on any lights. I couldn’t stop thinking about what I heard in the car on the way home.
Raizo-san, who was sitting alongside me in the back seat, was looking out the window when he suddenly remembered and started talking about this.
“Ah, yes. Do you know that there is a theory that says that there is more than ‘one fated pair’ for each person.”
“Eh ….. I didn’t ……. know…….”