Chapter 89 – It hurts to live ah…
Warning: This chapter may trigger adverse reactions. If it’s beginning to upset or affect you, we advise that you immediately stop reading.
The room quieted down, only the sound of shallow breathing could be heard.
An Xumo didn’t hear the knock at first, it wasn’t until Zhou Jinchen, who was standing in the room, began to speak, did he respond with a delayed reaction. “… What?”
Zhou Jinchen took this as a response and said, “It’s about the cooperation plan during the previous film promotion period.”
The man briefly explained the matter once and made clear of his current attitude. He is accustomed to being in control of everything in advance and rarely goes back on his decisions, let alone apologizing to others.
But when Zhou Jinchen said, “I’m sorry”, his tone was very straightforward.
An Xumo’s ears buzzed, everything sounded like a barrier. Nonetheless, he still at least understood Zhou Jinchen’s words, and the tiredness and pain in his chest seemed slightly more bearable.
“…… It’s okay.”
The boy’s voice sounded normal, but his face was white and a bit strange. Zhou Jinchen looks at the in-a-trance-like An Xumo and it gave birth to an uncontrollable, eccentric pain in his chest.
“It’s all because of me; I will make up for it.”
He thought that the other party’s complexion looked terrible because he was concerned about being used before. Zhou Jinchen reflected on his mistakes and did not think in different directions.
After clearing up the misunderstanding between the two, Zhou Jinchen had another thing to explain.
He had locked the door when he came in; Jin Dian’s building’s soundproofing was enough. Although the office is not a very suitable place, it’s at least safe here. Moreover, tonight is one of the rare times that both of them have free time.
The man stepped forward and got one step closer.
“There’s one more thing I want to tell you.”
He spoke with great caution and his tone was not as calm and collected as it was earlier.
“After a long period of careful consideration, I think I have developed special feelings for you.”
An Xumo looked up at the man blankly.
“I think I like you.”
When saying these words, Zhou Jinchen’s peculiarity was quite evident.
The dry words sounded unconvincing and the typically sharp and deep gaze became inexplicably soft. Zhou Jinchen’s performance was so monotonous and dull that he had long lost his usual calmness and comprehensiveness.
He apparently doesn’t look cool at all anymore and he no longer looks like his usual self.
It’s just that the person listening to these words has lost the ability to read these details at this point.
An Xumo thought sluggishly, ……. Like?
An He’s voice never dissipated from his ears. Even her expression when she spoke was playing in An Xumo’s mind in a giant movie screen mode. She cried and talked about her despair after finding out she was pregnant, the pain of feeling the fetal movement during pregnancy, and how she couldn’t help but bathe in tears as soon as she saw him after giving birth.
Even the person who brought An Xumo into this world said so.
So, what else does he have to be worthy of being liked?
An Xumo mumbled the word ‘like’ and suddenly came to his senses.
Yes, he also has a dirty but quite convenient identity.
The scene around him shifted back to the pure-white strange hospital where two doctors sat behind the door and talked in low voices. In their words, they mentioned Zhou, Asperger’s Syndrome, and there is also a tentative plan for treating the illness.
Stimulate romance for the patient so that he can touch the real emotions in the most yearning and most desperate feelings of human beings.
This is the reason why you opened your mouth and said like, right?
An Xumo looked at Zhou Jinchen; his eyes were so empty that every word bitten out between his lips was simultaneously engraved on the tender flesh, scarred in his heart by the sword.
“If you want me to help with the treatment, just say so. Why still go to such great lengths.”
The voice that’s pretending to be normal finally became hoarse and harsh, and the blood in his chest churned out, clogging his throat.
“Pretending to confess will have a better effect on treatment?”
Zhou Jinchen was stunned but consequently recovered his composure from his nervousness immediately.
He frowned, “Treatment for what?”
An Xumo panted heavily, his forehead stained with cold sweat. When the pain reached the extreme, his heart began to itch and turn sour.
He spat out words with difficulty, “Asperger’s……syndrome.”
Zhou Jinchen’s gaze turned cold, “What does it have to do with this?”
An Xumo’s temples seemed to be chiseled in by a long needle a little. He had a splitting headache and braced himself for the bout of dizziness.
“The plan to treat this……is to fall in love with someone, right?”
“Why do you think so?” Zhou Jinchen said, “Xiao Mo, what I said to you today is all true and doesn’t mean anything else. The treatment you said……”
He didn’t finish his words because the boy in front of him was shaking and couldn’t stand firm while holding on to the table.
Zhou Jinchen quickly took two steps forwards, trying to hold An Xumo. The shrunken body of the other party was shaking so badly that he couldn’t even hold up. As soon as his knees went soft, he knelt on the ground.
The boy’s body temperature is frighteningly cold, like a piece of ice floating on the sea, which may be crushed and sink to the bottom of the sea at any time.
Zhou Jinchen didn’t dare to pull forcefully. He half kneeled and reached out his hand around the other party’s back, trying to pick up the person.
“Get up first, Xiao Mo. The ground is cold.”
An Xumo didn’t respond. He insisted on holding out his trembling right hand, not knowing what he was fumbling for.
When Zhou Jinchen was just about to ask, the boy had withdrawn his arm, and a pocket watch covered with dust was stuck on his bloodstained palm.
The somewhat deformed case popped open and revealed a picture.
An Xumo was stabbed with pain in his eyes, he used all his remaining strength to shove the pocket watch into Zhou Jinchen’s arms.
“You take it away, okay?” The boy was nearly deflated but was still tormented by panic as if he would be blown to pieces if he got a little closer to that photo.
His voice was even trembling, “You take it away, and I can do anything you want. You don’t need to give me anything anymore, photos, confessions, nothing…… Brother, just tell me what you want, I will cooperate with you. I promise I will finish the task……”
“Xiao Mo, Xiao Mo!”
Zhou Jinchen sensed that something was wrong with An Xumo. He did not dare let go of his hand, afraid that the person won’t be able to hold up and fall over. Zhou Jinchen could only cruelly suppress the other party’s struggle, kneeling on the ground and holding the boy in his arms.
He wrapped one hand around An Xumo’s waist and pressed the other party’s hand together. He stretched out his other hand and hastily pulled open the boy’s collar.
“Listen to me and do it with me. Come and take a deep breath. Don’t think about anything else, inhale……”
An Xumo’s struggle grew weaker and weaker while the rise and fall of his chest slowly weakened.
The coldness that wandered throughout the body began to attack the heart and brain; the cold sweat crawled all over the spine, the sharp icy edges plunged straight into every bone, the bright red blood spurted out from the ruptured arteries, and dyed the field of view in front red with blood.
The boy could no longer hear the sounds around him, he murmured and whispered, breathless.
“B-brother…… I’m sorry, I seem to be dying…..”
The sound of An He’s cries drifted distantly in his ears. Before his eyes were the look of those two doctors talking, the past eighteen years ushered in head-on like a giant icicle that sucked away all the heat.
This icicle broke apart and became those icy edges that killed him.
An Xumo closed his eyes wearily; death was not at all as easy as imagined. The coldness inch by inch reaped the scarred flesh and blood, and even the thin soul was frozen, unable to leave his body.
It’s so painful to die ah……
Surprisingly, it’s less painful than living.
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Keywords: Near-death feeling