Chapter 65 – His brother won’t like him
Thank you for the ko-fis impatientlywaiting! ♡♡♡
Btw, this chapter really broke my heart. I had to pause when I read the raws back then. Even our editor’s heart broke lol. So, ready your heart everyone~
“Why are you here?”
The first person to break the silence was Zhou Jinchen. The space in the bathroom wasn’t quite enough, and the muffled echo of the question could be heard faintly which highlighted his originally low magnetic voice deeper and deeper.
An Xumo’s complexion didn’t look very good rather, it should be said that it is awfully bad, but he still quickly opened his mouth to answer the question.
“Brother told me to come back here…… I just asked the assistant for the room card and came over.”
“I know that,” Zhou Jinchen said looking at An Xumo who was obviously in a trance. His eyes darkened slightly. “I was asking why you were in the bathroom.”
An Xumo reacted half a beat late, looking down at the sink. “I came to wash my hands here……”
He explained again, “When I wanted to go out, I heard Teacher Lin speaking and felt that it wasn’t proper, so I didn’t go out.”
Zhou Jinchen looked at the boy for a while until the atmosphere around him quieted down again. He turned his head and gestured.
There was nothing unusual in the bedroom, even the bottle of mineral water on the sofa table was taken away by Lin Rui. When he took it, he said that this is also considered as something Zhou Jinchen gave him. The latter did not understand the meaning of Lin Rui’s action and he was not interested in knowing it.
The two men sat back on the sofa and the scene reverted to the way it was when he was talking to Lin Rui. The difference was that An Xumo seemed even more nervous than Lin Rui who was sitting here before, causing Zhou Jinchen to look at him for a while before finally opening his mouth.
“What’s wrong with you?”
An Xumo’s face seemed to turn a little paler because of his question and he hesitantly said, “……me?”
An Xumo naturally knows himself. The great panic was like a bottomless abyss, blowing out cold wind and he is hanging above the abyss. Even if he tightly held on to the rope, he could still fall in minutes and seconds.
But this won’t work, An Xumo thought. He must act natural. He can’t let his brother find out his thoughts……
“I just heard Teacher Lin’s voice and felt a little surprised……”
The knuckles were pale from the excessive force with numbing pain on his palm. An Xumo finally found an explanation, only to see the man on the opposite side frown.
“What Lin Rui said is the truth.”
At that moment, An Xumo could not even feel the pain that came around his whole body. (E/N: my heart also fell hnggg)
Even the voice was like a rough sound made from grinding sandpaper, it was difficult to hear to the extent that it was unbearable. The only fortunate thing was that his physical skills were still functioning and he could still hear Zhou Jinchen’s voice in his ears.
What the other party said was, “The publicity plan of 《Different Roads》 will indeed focus on my relationship with him.”
An Xumo froze for a moment.
He thought that the fact that his brother refers to was Lin Rui’s last words but he didn’t expect the other party to turn to the movie again.
“This is not something I can decide,” Zhou Jinchen said. “The crew’s publicity originally had to maximize the benefits in the most effective way.”
“En……en.” An Xumo nodded, trying to disguise himself as normal with his movements. “I understand.”
His current thought was already chaotic, so much to the extent that he didn’t even think about the reason why Zhou Jinchen brought up the matter of the movie. He could only do so until the other party said a word and react along with it.
Until Zhou Jinchen completely revealed the reason.
“But Lin Rui is already emotionally involved; I don’t want to have an affair with him.” Zhou Jinchen said.
An Xumo felt that the abyss not far below his feet seemed to stop emitting cold wind.
Zhou Jinchen said, “Filming with you and calling you here today is to discuss this matter with you.”
“The most effective way to prevent other people from pairing me with Lin Rui without affecting the film’s publicity is to separate the film from reality. In the film, I have the deepest involvement with his character but outside the film, I have another preferred choice.”
The dark bottomless abyss was sealed, and a hard ground made of lime and cement solidified on top.
But An Xumo could not understand why, the throbbing feeling tightly clenching his heart still did not disappear.
He heard himself saying, “Therefore…….it’s to use me and brother’s gossip to avoid the gossip between brother and Lin Rui, right?”
However, An Xumo could no longer hear Zhou Jinchen’s voice.
He could only see the other party’s rational and calm expression and the mouth’s shape that pronounced the verdict.
Zhou Jinchen also added a word, An Xumo heard it intermittently, but this did not affect the pain of that word, like a sharp blade cutting on the tender flesh of the heart.
He said, like Lin Rui, other people did not know about the relationship between the two so these fake rumors could be spread as if they were real.
Zhou Jinchen is not a man of many words; he only briefly explained a few sentences to explain the word ‘fake’. But those details have been revealed from Zhou Jinchen’s words, uncovering the original peaceful disguise and showing the truest face.
An Xumo couldn’t really hear it, his ears were full of buzzing tinnitus which was very annoying. Even so, he still understood Zhou Jinchen’s meaning and picked up the dusty beads that had been scattered everywhere and strung them into a string of gloomy, unsightly chain of beads.
He deliberately came to talk about the script to An Xumo to avoid staying in the room and being found by Lin Rui to be alone; took the initiative to tell Ma Lao and Mr. Tao to revise the kissing scene and change the actor in order to pave the way for the subsequent rumors; agreed to sleep with An Xumo in the same room to let the other people in the crew misunderstand the relationship between the two. It was the same when filming the kissing scene in the classroom, repeatedly made exceptions and shown affection but it’s also merely an act in front of everyone.
And when the film is promoted in the later stage, these kinds of news will burst out among the public with a hundred times stronger effect than in the crew, and those people present are prepared in advance. If you pull one out randomly, the truest news will explode.
It was only then that An Xumo realized how outrageously wrong he was. E/N: Sh—t that hurts. T/N: I know *heartbreaking
He thought that the only thing he was worried about was that his brother would find out his unseen feelings but when Zhou Jinchen really didn’t find out about his feelings, and bluntly and frankly said that he wanted the two of them to act together, An Xumo realized that he was still in severe pain, and the tears were streaming with blood from the bowl-sized hole in his chest.
The abyss was filled but he was still slammed into the rough, hard ground, leaving a trace of lingering breath. Because the rope hanging from him is Zhou Jinchen’s attitude towards him, it is that bowl of tonkatsu ramen and that mint flavored-kiss that happened in front of the seat of the classroom.
Now the rope disappeared and An Xumo was violently thrown down from a height.
How he got back to his room from Zhou Jinchen’s room, An Xumo himself didn’t know. He stepped on the sharp tip of the knife that once again pierced the soles of his feet with every step, pretending to normally brush open the door of his room.
Open, close, lock.
That was all that was left. Even the strength to insert the room card in the wall switch was no longer there.
With his back pressed against the cold door, the emptied An Xumo slowly slid down and fell for a long time before he touched the floor.
He sat on the wooden floor behind the door, surrounded by terrible and safe darkness.
After such a long and tumultuous day, at last in the evening, An Xumo discovered his true thoughts.
He was far more ridiculous and despicable than he had ever imagined.
From a long time ago, An Xumo knew that he was different and that no matter what he did, he would not be liked by his family. But at that time, he still held that ridiculous wishful thinking again and again, trying to be well-behaved and obedient to achieve all tasks perfectly in exchange for easing the attitude of the people around him.
But it didn’t.
Not even once.
That’s why An Xumo locked up his bloody heart early on, didn’t look at the surrounding eyes regardless of other people’s judgment on him. He thought that he would certainly not make the same mistakes again. Even if he stumbled, he could see the road ahead and could go on.
But now, An Xumo once again made the same mistakes that are no different in nature.
He thought that as long as he could look at his brother, he would have strength and hope. Yet he didn’t realize that he stepped out of the warning line that he had drawn himself before he knew it.
So when Zhou Jinchen said that all those things were deliberately planned, An Xumo bled and got hurt.
Why can’t he honestly stay where he should be and why does he think that he can touch the sun?
An Xumo extremely detests this kind of him.
He only had one light source but he almost locked himself in the dark wooden box without a key forever.
It can’t be like this……he thought, fortunately……fortunately, he did not commit any mistake in front of his brother just now.
There is still room for turning things around.
An Xumo stretched out his hand and tried to touch around, but it was dark and empty in front of him. He couldn’t touch anything. He could only withdraw his hand and hold his ankle.
The feeling of having something real in his hands finally calmed down An Xumo a bit. He slowly stood up holding the door, his back leaning on the solid wooden board, his chest heaving violently and his legs were filled with soreness.
But at least he stood up.
An Xumo fumbled for the switch on the wall and pressed it twice only to find that it did not light up. The room card was not inserted. He bent down and searched the floor little by little for a long time.
With a soft ‘click’ the power was finally turned on in the room. The blinding light came on and he subconsciously raised his hand to block his eyes.
The light was like a lifetime ago.
An Xumo walked into the bathroom holding the wall. He propped himself up in front of the sink, turned on the faucet, and splashed the cold water on his face.
The sound of water lasted for a long time before he gradually calmed down. He turned off the switch and looked at the bright mirror in front of him.
The boy’s face in the mirror was full of water drops but it hid a bit of his frightening paleness. His lips are still red, like an iron-faced and selfless judge,impartial and incorruptible; described someone who is relentless in his purpose in the execution of his duties according to law or regulations. always reminding him of his previous mistakes.
It won’t happen again…… An Xumo thought, he would never, ever do it again.
As long as he can look at his brother, this is the only habit that he had engraved into his instincts for seventeen years so there is no way to change it. Along with all other thoughts, An Xumo would completely cut off.
He will never allow himself to think that his brother will respond to his feelings.
The author has something to say:
Xiao Mo’s thoughts are also explained clearly la. He thought he just had to look at his brother, and as a result, he crossed the line. After the pain this time, he would honestly stay in the circle he drew and never come out again.
Xiao Mo’s pain is over……it’s time for another one.
Sees the line Never again:
mochimùwú: My heart hurts
Editor (because she didn’t want to have any name lol): 🙁